Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted "Heroes" Quotes

Ted: You guys have 72 hours to make that taste like something drunk teenagers will tip off... cow.. I'm talking about a cow
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: Maybe the meat blob's not taking in enough nutrients. I guess I could try and give it a mouth.
Ted: I'm gonna say no to the meat blob getting a mouth. Mostly because I don't want to hear what it has to say
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: We may have created a monster in the lab
Veronica: It's not a monster, it's a cyborg that can kill without remorse
Ted: I was talking about Phil, what were you talking about?
Veronica: I was also talking about Phil... it's classified... but it's going to be a fantastic new tool if we can get it to tell the difference between soldiers and children
 • Rating: Unrated

Jerome [tasting meat made in lab]: It tastes familiar.
Ted: Beef?
Jerome: No.
Linda: Chicken? We'll take chicken.
Ted: What does it taste like?
Jerome: Despair.
Ted: Is it possible it just needs salt?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: I am the Below Zero Hero. Julie in Employee Services asked for my autograph. That's right, Julie. With those breasts in front. It's a new Phil, Lem. You had better get used to it
Lem: That was a little aggressive
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: Legal is worried that Phil might think his annoying outbursts are connected to our allegedly freezing him.
Ted: We didn't "allegedly" freeze him, we froze him. Like a human leftover.
Veronica: Legal says we don't know what that chamber is that he entered freely. The latest theory is that he may have been attempting to perform a magic trick.
Ted: Oh, yeah, that magic trick where the company freezes him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Blobby, like Bobby, only with an l
Lem: Don't name it or you won't want to eat it. Remember Chester the carrot?
Phil: Yeah, I miss him
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: At least meat grown in a test tube doesn't feel pain. Please tell me it doesn't feel pain.
Lem: We don't think so.
Phil: Yeah, although interestingly, it does respond to music
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: We have a problem. The Food Division just told me that the "Extra Fun Mac and Cheese" I'm supposed to be presenting to the shareholders causes blindness if eaten more than twice a week. Plus, no matter how long it's cooked, it never gets hot.
Ted: Maybe it's not Mac and Cheese.
Veronica: Oh, no, it has to be. They've already designed the box
 • Rating: Unrated

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