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Veronica: Did I surprise you? I didn't mean to surprise you. I'm just a friendly person.
Linda: I didn't think you know my name.
Veronica: Of course I know your name. I know a lot about you. Linda... Katherine... Zword... ning--ling.
Linda: Zwordling
Veronica: Fine. You know your own name better than I do. Yah!

Ted: Listen, Veronica, about firing Phil, I don't think we should rush into anything.
Veronica: You're right. Wait until the end of business Friday. It'll be easier for Payroll

Veronica: So this thing with Phil, making that stupid face and yelling, they think it's distracting.
Ted: I guess in hindsight they shouldn't have vitrified his brains.
Veronica: Look, I'm not going to play the blame game with you

Ted: Did you do your math homework?
Rose: Yes.
Ted: Six times eight?
Rose: Yes, that was one of them

Rose: I like Phil.
Ted: Maybe you'll like him even more when he's frozen.
Rose: I like him the temperature he is. Phil came to my birthday. It's wrong to freeze someone who came to your daughter's birthday

Linda: This is a great company, isn't it? Freezing their employees.
Ted: Employee. They're only freezing one. For now

Never give up. That's what I always tell my daughter. She tells me to stop telling her, but I tell her I can't, because that would be giving up

Ted

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things

Ted

Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie

Displaying all 9 quotes

Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things

Ted

Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie

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