Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted "The Long and Winding High Road" Quotes

Veronica: So you're going to be in a room filled with weak, malleable children, and a man is going to bring in a toy. When he does, you're going to say very bad things about it.
Rose: Why?
Veronica: Because we're telling you to, and you should always do what adults tell you to do, especially when they give you candy.
Linda: It's just a fun game we're playing--like dress-up, only instead of clothes, we're dressing up the things that are coming out of your mouth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: Now we're on to how you're gonna fix it.
Patricia: I can't tell the company. They'll put something in my food that makes me infertile.
Phil: They don't do things like that or cancel gym memberships.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Have you ever noticed how much of men's lives are spent trying to trick women into touching something?
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: So Pete's project is testing today. I want to burn his diaper and salt the earth beneath it so no new product will ever grow there.
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: Well, you are eager and desperate for my approval. And that's two of the three qualities I look for in a partner.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: You make no sound when you walk.
Veronica: Then I am ready to leave the monastery and avenge my parents. I'm kidding. I just buy expensive shoes made from very soft animals.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. Doing the right thing. It's important. What does it mean in business? We have no idea. We know what wrong is. Actually, no, we don't. Because we're a successful company, not some boring ethics professor. Veridian Dynamics. Right and Wrong. It means something. We just don't know what.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Veronica: I don't take the high road, Ted. The high road leads to Pansy Town.
Ted: Or maybe it leads to a more effective way of handling an adversary... ville.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: Hey, sweetie, want to go smoke a cigarette in the bathroom? See? I can be bad. Don't ever smoke, Rose. Every time you smoke a cigarette, Santa Claus kills an elf. What, helping or hurting? Because I can throw Jesus into the mix.
Ted: I think we're good.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Linda: I can't stand that Veronica makes fun of me in meetings. If the boss doesn't respect me, other people won't. Including the little Linda in my head. And even on a good day, that little bitch won't shut up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "The Long and Winding High Road?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!