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Ransom for a dog?


Ray's elf girlfriend : You are the sexiest guy I ever met.
Ray: I know.

You are somebody you


I don't have to go to rehab. I have cancer.


Lewis: My ankle will never be the same because of you.
Jonathan: What? I just saved your life.

Couple shots of nice whiskey for me and the lady.


I have to take a drug test?


(to Jonathan) Let's go have a drink and get drunk. Sixteen gin and tonics.


(to Leah) I'm sorry about the other night. You know with you're lover with the orange pubes.


Jonathan: Why didn't you write a second novel?
Jonathan's client: Because I was afraid to.

You know when you're chair bound, hemorrhoids are very cruel.

Jonathan's client

Okay we both need to do better with our positive thinking.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 141 in total

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.


I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.

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