I suck at everything.

Jonathan

George, you're being way too hard on yourself. It's not good for your immune system.

Jonathan

I'm going to blame myself for this prostate cancer.

George

George, you're the greatest pothead I've ever known.

Ray

George, I don't like talking on the phone that much, but um you can call me all the time. I won't pick up, but you can leave me a message.

Ray

I don't negotiate with kidnapers or terrorists.

George

George: We gotta go. We'll be seven minutes early.
Ray: That's hardly a surprise.

Jonathan: What's your secret?
Kidnapper: Never go to bed angry. Pass this on to you.
Jonathan: Come on that's your secret? Never go to bed angry?!

Jonathan is this a joke? I've already vaporized two bags of pot.

George

Kidnapper: Do you have any rich friends?
Jonathan: Yes, I have one, but I really don't think I should involve my friends.

I've never had anything removed before. I mean like my appendix, tonsils, wisdom teeth. I hold onto everything. I'm like a hoarder I guess, I'm like completely intact.

George

Richard: Want to get a drink?
George: Sure.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 141 in total

Bored to Death Quotes

Men face reality. Women don't. That why men need to drink.

George

I've always been intrigued by Stockholm Syndrome. Make me think of my childhood.

Jonathon
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