Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Sundays 8:30 PM on FOX
Brooklyn nine nine
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Savant: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don’t give candy to a baby! They can’t brush their teeth!

I feel like I'm the Paris of people.

GIna

Almost makes me wanna take things seriously all the time, but then I'm like, "boobs, farts, boobs, whatever."

Jake

Holt: Do you know I love milk?
Gina: Uh, no.
Holt: Well I do, but it hurts my stomach, so I haven't had milk, a beverage I love, for 19 years. Nineteen MILKLESS years I've gone, but for some reason I can't...quit...cwazy cupcakes

Jake: Sargeant Jeffards search the internet for, “undiscovered muscle.”
Terry: I was working out and saw a muscle in my shoulder that I’d never seen before. I thought it might have been a scientific discovery.

I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that’s right, ‘cause it threatens death!

Jake

Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.

Rosa

Hey there criminal! It’s me, Johnny Law.

Jake

Actually, someone reported that they couldn’t find your head. But we found it; it was up your butt. You’re a fireman, you should know how to treat that burn.

Jake

What I’m obsessed with is how you’re bungling this investigation. They should write a song about it called “Welcome to the Bungle.”

Peralta

“The Squad” is the best book I ever read, and I’ve read 15 books.

Peralta

Boon: Let New York’s bravest handle it.
Jake: You know they only call you that because “New York’s Best at Spraying Stuff with Water” was too wordy.

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