Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCBrooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Jake: As you may know, for the past two years, Captain Holt and I have engaged in an epic battle of wits. The goal? To determine who must call the other an amazing detective-slash-genius.
Holt: The first year, by sheer dumb luck, Jake eked out a feeble victory.
Jake: And last year I let the Captain win because he's old and sad.
Holt: This year's a tie-breaker. A final heist to decide once and for all the true king of the Nine-Nine.
Jake: Halloween Heist 3; The Heistening. Tagline?
Holt: This year we both attempt to steal the same object instead of Jake attempting to steal one from me.
Charles: Start taking care of yourself again! I miss those gross, overly large muscles!
Terry: Lay off my body, dude! I clearly got some stuff to work through!
Charles: Hitchcock offered massage sessions for your wife --
Terry: What!?
Charles: So I pepper-sprayed him.
Jake: Okay slayer, prepare to go to jail for oolong time.
Holt: Now say "punk."
Jake: Punk!
Holt: PUNK!!
The Vulture: Let's see what you got for the B-day bash.
Amy: I thought you wanted us to surprise you?
The Vulture: It's a figure of speech, Detective Stupidago.
Gina: Jake, dope alley!
Jake: I know! I think this is where Batman's parents got killed.
Charles: You're looking a little fat.
Terry: How dare you. You can't comment on my body, this is a workplace! Now I'm feeling objectified by your male gaze!
Charles: Please, just listen, sir.
Terry: I will not listen! You are trying to shame me and that will not fly!
Three -- think of something super cool to say when we arrest him. My leading contender? "You're going to jail for oolong time.
Jake
Jake: Looks like we both have a pretty bad case of "jerk boss."
Holt: Yes, yours is an idiot, and mine is a forked-tongue lizard witch.
Terry: Do l look like a man who snacks?
Charles: You look like eight circles with suspenders on.
Gina, is that a talking raisin?
Wuntch
