Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication
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Hank Moody get up off your ass and come with me. I'm going to play you the greatest song ever written in the history of the universe. After which we shall snort cocaine and have our ass-oles tongued by the angels.

Atticus

Seems like the kind of night where you need to feel everything. Even if it hurts so bad you want to tear your fu-king skin off.

Faith

The client insists Charlie! Now go get you di-k sucked by a stranger!

Ken

Without her there'd be no rock and roll.

Krull

I support you bromo-sexual.

Hank

I'm in a pickle Hank! It's a big gay pickle!

Charlie

Can I bring anything back for you damaged fu-kers? Some coke? Some heroine? Some Pink Taco?

Hank

What's so bad about taking a vacation from your life?

Faith

We fool ourselves into thinking we can make them into these sensitive little p-ssy eaters we can sit and watch The Bachelor with.

Marcy

I guess I see myself as an enthusiast. A drug and alcohol enthusiast.

Hank

I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?

Hank

I know I'm a big fan of the bye bye pain juice, but I don't think I'm an alcoholic do you?

Hank
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 319 in total

Californication Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody