Ah ambrosia! I love a woman on her period.


There's no keeping a secret in this town.


That's just me, an ungrateful heathen, highway to Hell and whatnot.


Don't come back here without a dozen roses and your dick in a box.


One day Hank, you're not going to be pining and I'm not going to be working and sparks are gonna fly.


No crying at the Palm Runkle


I can make fun of Runkle but you can't.


All my life I thought that sort of life was lame, but now I realize the joke was on me.


Don't say mother fu-ker like that it makes me miss you.


Hank: Just be careful. young writers on the rise have been known to make certain mistakes.
Becca: Such as?
Hank: Such as sticking their dicks in places kind words and flattery come from.

It helps to have daughters in low places.


Tyler: He slapped you in the face with his dick?
Charlie: Shh! Yes multiple times, I think he left a trail of dog water.

Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.