Ah ambrosia! I love a woman on her period.


There's no keeping a secret in this town.


That's just me, an ungrateful heathen, highway to Hell and whatnot.


Don't come back here without a dozen roses and your dick in a box.


One day Hank, you're not going to be pining and I'm not going to be working and sparks are gonna fly.


No crying at the Palm Runkle


I can make fun of Runkle but you can't.


All my life I thought that sort of life was lame, but now I realize the joke was on me.


Don't say mother fu-ker like that it makes me miss you.


Hank: Just be careful. young writers on the rise have been known to make certain mistakes.
Becca: Such as?
Hank: Such as sticking their dicks in places kind words and flattery come from.

It helps to have daughters in low places.


Tyler: He slapped you in the face with his dick?
Charlie: Shh! Yes multiple times, I think he left a trail of dog water.

Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.