Ah ambrosia! I love a woman on her period.

Bates

There's no keeping a secret in this town.

Charlie

That's just me, an ungrateful heathen, highway to Hell and whatnot.

Hank

Don't come back here without a dozen roses and your dick in a box.

Hank

One day Hank, you're not going to be pining and I'm not going to be working and sparks are gonna fly.

Trixie

No crying at the Palm Runkle

Stu

I can make fun of Runkle but you can't.

Hank

All my life I thought that sort of life was lame, but now I realize the joke was on me.

Hank

Don't say mother fu-ker like that it makes me miss you.

Charlie

Hank: Just be careful. young writers on the rise have been known to make certain mistakes.
Becca: Such as?
Hank: Such as sticking their dicks in places kind words and flattery come from.

It helps to have daughters in low places.

Hank

Tyler: He slapped you in the face with his dick?
Charlie: Shh! Yes multiple times, I think he left a trail of dog water.

Californication Quotes

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody

I love women. I have all their albums.

Hank Moody