Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

Karen: L.A. changes people.
Hank: Cities don't change people, people don't even change people. We are who we are.

Everything is fucking fake OK? The houses are like sets and the people are indistinguishable from actors, it's awesome!

Marcy

Hank: I love L.A. I love it! I said it, I meant it, I'm here to represent it.
Karen: Who are you right now?
Hank: I don't know.

Hank: You wanna come down and put some clothes on before the law gets here?
Bates: No, nah, nonsense , I'm tucked. You know I was just telling Karen I used to fuck guys like Tyler back in prison. Did I ever tell you about the year I spent behind bars?

So what's the move here? Good cop, bad cop, bald cop?

Hank

That's right, we're pullin' you over mutha fukka!

Hank

I can't believe this, we are actually sitting around watching a cop eat doughnuts.

Hank

Cop: I never pulled my piece out on the job, never, not once.
Hank: Ah, too bad the same can't be said for Runkes.

Samurai: What the fuck you got against Ryan Seacrest man?
Hank: Nothing in particular, the guy just bugs the shit out of me.
Samurai: Why? This mother fucker, he works hard, makes millions of dollars and he got a fuckin' catchphrase which I don't have and you wanna kill him dead? That's some harsh shit Moody.

You fucked me in the ass Hank! I swallowed your cum, but worst of all, I swallowed your fucking bullshit. And you can rationalize it all you want by saying you were always honest with me, but it's still stealing.

Carrie

No she's not right and even if she were you're her parent. It's your job to make her feel like she's wrong.

Hank

To go in through the outdoor is maybe the most beautiful act known to modern man.

Bates
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 71 in total

Californication Season 5 Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler
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