Captain Awesome: Okay, so how did everyone come with their chest compression?
(Captain Awesome walks into the room and sees Buy More employees beating up their aquatic dolls.)
Captain Awesome: Come on guys, what's wrong with you?
Jeff: I drink too much.
Lester: My parents had impossible standards.

It's too dangerous for her, all right. I am putting my foot down! (Casey glares) Gingerly.

Sarah: Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?
Chuck: Personally, I'd like another ten to fifteen minutes of really pathetic self-indulgence.

Morgan: Are you guys ready?
Lester: I was born ready.
Jeff: I was born premature.

Look, Bartowski, my job is to look after all the citizens of this nation, not just the girl who raises your flag.

Casey

(After Jill injected the serum into Chuck)
Jill: Okay, that has a modified version of the viral strain. Now your body metabolizes the poison and the antiviral serum is going to be created from your blood.
Chuck: Poison? Poison?! I thought I was getting the antidote? You just gave me poison?!
Jill: Yeah.

Ellie: Morgan, are you holding my underwear?
Morgan: Wait a second, wait a second. Wait, I-I need to be very clear about this. Okay, the only thing I came in here to steal was a CPR test. So any suggestions to any pervy related to your panties--underpants is, frankly, outrageous.
Ellie: So you deny being a perv, but you admit to being a thief?
Morgan: Do I at least get points for honesty?

Man, if I wanted to take tests, I would've been a boat captain.

Jeff

Sarah: I know it's hard, but tonight you have to be a spy first.
Chuck: Yeah, it is hard. I'm not like you, Sarah. I can't turn my emotions on and off like some robot.

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