I need Purell for my brain.

Annie

Add Eat, Pray, Love soundtrack to workout mix.

Dean Pelton

I piss warnings. Pig.

Britta [to Chang]

I may not be good with facial expressions, but I know an evil doppelganger when I see one. Plus, your arm makes a noise every time you move it.

Abed

I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I am constantly texting...and there is no one at the other end.

Jeff

Whatevs, we'll take it next semes. Ter. Semester.

Annie

Oh it's a drawing of Abed with hearts all around it. Strictly speaking, the bible condemns this level of friendship.

Shirley

Well, it's official--it's on a banner.

Jeff

Pierce. You're talking to an Atari cartridge. Sit down.

Jeff

I'm Jeff Winger. I love working this Blackberry because it really tones my thumbs.

Abed

Jeff: Annie, relax.
Britta: No you relax Jeff! Or are you afraid that if you do, my pen will fall out?!

I don't want you to break his brain.

Troy [about Abed]

Community Quotes

I was never one to hold a grudge, Jeffrey. My father held grudges. I'll always hate him for that.

Pierce

I need Purell for my brain.

Annie