I made a new rule that the air conditioning school has to act like a real school. I can do that because I'm their Messiah.


Well, it's official--it's on a banner.


Let's burn this mother down!


Our first assignment is a documentary, they're like real movies but with ugly people


Abed: What are you doing?
Jeff: Dragging Britta kicking and screaming into 1997.

Shirley, pretend I'm saying this in a soothing, reassuring, non-robotic voice. We're not gonna make it to the hospital.


I'm sure you guys have a natural rapport and timing, and you're scared that adding a new member might through everything off of its natural [CUT TO TITLE SEQUENCE] rhythm.


I attack him! I attack black face!


Kim: You're really mean.
Annie: Put it in a letter, Jane Austen!

For your information, I don't have an ego. My Facebook photo is a landscape.


Britta: Shut up, Leonard. I know about your crooked wang.
Leonard: No such thing as bad press.

What does this look like? An hour-long episode of The Office?

Dean Pelton

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.