I don't know--if I was in 70 films over 30 years, and spent each one talking at random volumes, I might accidentally win an Oscar.


The Dean: I thought you had a degree from Columbia.
Jeff: Yes, and now I need to get one from America.

I need Purell for my brain.


Add Eat, Pray, Love soundtrack to workout mix.

Dean Pelton

I piss warnings. Pig.

Britta [to Chang]

You go, girl!


Pop, pop, Captain.


Ooh, no-no juice!

Troy [on wine]

How come he gets a front stinger?


Don't be Mike Brady. Mike Brady's not sexy. You should be like Jo from Facts of Life.


Professor Whitman: A little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother

Pierce: I don't like being excluded Jeff. Do you?
Jeff: Yes!

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

I need Purell for my brain.