Community Season 1 Episode 12: "Comparative Religion" Quotes
Sensible night, appropriate night.Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.
- Permalink: Sensible night, appropriate night. Snow on ground, left and rig...
Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.
- Permalink: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are mov...
Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.
- Permalink: Shirley, you are a guilt machine And annie knows a thing or tw...
Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
- Permalink: You think religion is stupid. No, no. To me, religion is like...
Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.
- Permalink: What are you? A North Korean seamstress? Not if that's bad.
Britta: Then you move to Vermont...
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.
- Permalink: Then you move to Vermont... I'm sick of you saying that fighti...
Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.
- Permalink: I never knew you were a Jew. I'd say the whole word next time.
Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.
- Permalink: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I w...
Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't...
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money maker.
- Permalink: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves. Yeah I got ...
Bully: You want to dance?
Britta: Maybe to some show tunes.
Jeff: No, I want to beat the crap out of you and I'm going to enjoy it because you're just like this school: you're obnoxious, you're cramping my style and you smell like french fry oil.
- Permalink: You want to dance? Maybe to some show tunes. you're obnoxiou...
True or falso or none of the above. That doesn't make any sense.Jeff [taking exam]
- Permalink: True or falso or none of the above. That doesn't make any sense...
Pierce: Agnostic, the lazy man's athiest. I'm a born again.
Pierce: We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub. I'm now a level five laser lotus in my Buddhist community.
Britta: That does not sound like Buddhism, are you sure you're not in a cult?
Pierce: Just by asking that question, you put me down to a level four. You now owe me 2000 energon cubes.
Troy: Do you know how foolish you sound right now? What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?
- Permalink: Agnostic, the lazy man's athiest. I'm a born again. Oh... W...
Shirley: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family.
Pierce: If it stands for "What Would Billy Joel Do?", I'll tell you right now, he'd write another crappy song.
Troy: Yeah, in your face Billy Joel.
[Troy mouths who is that to Annie, who mouths back I don't know]
Shirley: It stands for "What Would Baby Jesus Do?"
- Permalink: I made you all a little gift because you're like my new family. ...
Happy last day before winter break. Time to visit our loved ones. Some of you will travel as far as 3 miles! Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland in the quad where were giving away up to six semester of free classes. Wow, what's that sound? Is that the tip tapping of secular boots on on the roof? That must be another sign that it 'tis the season because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge.Dean
- Permalink: Happy last day before winter break. Time to visit our loved one...