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Community "Comparative Religion" Quotes

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]: Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Annie: Nooooo!
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.
 • Rating: 3.2 / 5.0

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Britta: Then you move to Vermont...
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't...
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money maker.
 • Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Bully: You want to dance?
Britta: Maybe to some show tunes.
Jeff: No, I want to beat the crap out of you and I'm going to enjoy it because you're just like this school: you're obnoxious, you're cramping my style and you smell like french fry oil.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

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