Community Season 1 Episode 12: "Comparative Religion" Quotes
Sensible night, appropriate night.Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.
Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.
Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.
Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.
Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.
Britta: Then you move to Vermont...
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.
Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.
Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.
Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't...
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money maker.
Bully: You want to dance?
Britta: Maybe to some show tunes.
Jeff: No, I want to beat the crap out of you and I'm going to enjoy it because you're just like this school: you're obnoxious, you're cramping my style and you smell like french fry oil.
True or falso or none of the above. That doesn't make any sense.Jeff [taking exam]
Pierce: Agnostic, the lazy man's athiest. I'm a born again.
Pierce: We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub. I'm now a level five laser lotus in my Buddhist community.
Britta: That does not sound like Buddhism, are you sure you're not in a cult?
Pierce: Just by asking that question, you put me down to a level four. You now owe me 2000 energon cubes.
Troy: Do you know how foolish you sound right now? What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?