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Sensible night, appropriate night.
Snow on ground, left and right.
Round yon purchase of decorative things.
Tolerant rewrite of carols to sing.
Function with relative ease,
Function with relative ease.

Shirley [sung to the tune of "Silent Night"]

Chang: I have finished grading everyone's finals and all of you are moving on.... except for Jeff. Turns out you, pause for dramatic effect, will be seing me next semester.
Annie: Nooooo!
Chang: In Spanish 102! Because he passed and I'm the only Spanish teacher.
Annie: Yay! I meant about Jeff passing. You being our Spanish teacher? Eh.

Annie: Shirley, you are a guilt machine
Pierce: And annie knows a thing or two about guilt, am I right Jew?
Annie: Say the whole word.
Pierce: Jewey?
Troy: You would never catch a Jehovah's Witness saying "jewey."
Pierce: It comes with the birthday cake you never got.

Shirley: You think religion is stupid.
Jeff: No, no. To me, religion is like Paul Rudd. I see the appeal and I would never take it away from anyone, but I would also never stand in line for it.

Pierce: What are you? A North Korean seamstress?
Jeff: Not if that's bad.

Britta: Then you move to Vermont...
Troy: I'm sick of you saying that fighting is gay.
Abed: You know she has a point, in boxing you fight with a purse and a belt.

Shirley: I never knew you were a Jew.
Annie: I'd say the whole word next time.

Troy: First time I got punched in the face, I was like oh no, then I was like this is a story.
Jeff: And a good one.

Troy: You're pretty big dude, I bet you have some moves.
Jeff: Yeah I got some theories.
Abed: You've never been in a fight?
Jeff: Technically no. I guess I'm too charming and likeable. Call me a name.
Troy: I can't...
Pierce: You're telling me you've never been punched in the face?
Jeff: No, thank god. This is the money maker.

Bully: You want to dance?
Britta: Maybe to some show tunes.
Jeff: No, I want to beat the crap out of you and I'm going to enjoy it because you're just like this school: you're obnoxious, you're cramping my style and you smell like french fry oil.

True or falso or none of the above. That doesn't make any sense.

Jeff [taking exam]

Pierce: Agnostic, the lazy man's athiest. I'm a born again.
Sherry: Oh...
Pierce: We had a re-birthing ritual in my friend's hot tub. I'm now a level five laser lotus in my Buddhist community.
Britta: That does not sound like Buddhism, are you sure you're not in a cult?
Pierce: Just by asking that question, you put me down to a level four. You now owe me 2000 energon cubes.
Troy: Do you know how foolish you sound right now? What else do you believe in, blood transfusions?

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