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Jeff: Annie, relax.
Britta: No you relax Jeff! Or are you afraid that if you do, my pen will fall out?!

Shirley: I'm simply a Christian woman that doesn't open her bag.
Jeff: What did the Christian woman think would happen when we got to her bag?
Shirley: The Christian woman thought you'd find it on the Muslim.

If I could just take a moment to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I wanna say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd have to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream, best friend medal, anything?


Sheesh... I guess it's true what they say about the sync-up.


Shirley: Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff: I could never deprive the world of the portion of my chest the strap would cover.

Shirley: Mother Hen? I think we're about the same age.
Britta: Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley: I'll make your ass linear.
Britta: That doesn't make any sense.
Shirley: I'll make your ass sense.

Do they find thoughts in our butts? I knew I should've read that book.


Accidents don't just happen over and over and over again. This isn't budget daycare.


I wanna see if those wiener dogs are born that way, or if they start off normal and then get wiener.

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