I'll be spinning hits from yesterday and today, which are basically the same to me, since I have changnesia.


So was that girl an alien, or a toddler with a growing disease?


As someone who faked being a lawyer for seven years, I appreciate your commitment to the bit.


Hey Britta, where's Sophie B.? Is she backstage, drinking Zima and counting out Beanie Babies?


I've been making a conscious effort to get away from filtering everything through TV. I figured it's time I showed some growth. It's been 3 1/2 seasons...is what the old me would have said.


Anything could happen between now and that dance. An asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes right before the world ends?


I had to hitchhike home last night in a burrito truck. It's not as fun as it sounds.


Dean: The perfect mix of low intellect, limited ambition, and limitless parental support.
Jeff: So, a rich dum-dum who will never graduate and keep dropping money into the school indefinitely. Got it.

Pierce Hawthorne has taken 80% of Greendale's classes twice. He is the only Greendale student who has ever paid for a premium locker or the extended pencil warranty.


Britta: We do need the money. The biology department's been dissecting the same dead pig for ten years.
Dean: If we get this money, we can buy 100 pigs and make everybody happy.

If I wanted to wait on a rich man hand and foot, I would have gone to Dubai with that sheik I met at Trader Joe's.


The barber shop--a reminder of the era when men were men, and women were sex-cooks who did laundry.


Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

I need Purell for my brain.