Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS

Travis, women will always drive us nuts, but have compassion for they only behave that way to protect themselves. They date men they feel superior to so they can't get hurt.


I like that your ex-husband lives on a boat, there is no possible way I can let you down.


Andy: Can you forget that was your mom?
Travis: No problem.
Andy: When a woman has just dominated another woman, she feels ferocious. This is a great time to ask for sex.
Travis: Mom is sort of creeping back in.
Andy: I never said this was gonna be easy. Come on.
Travis: Why am I still following?

Laurie: I wish you could make it simpler.
Grayson: Donkey likes hybrids, health care and homosexuals and elephant likes God.
Laurie: I saw an elephant pray in the circus once.
Grayson: Wow, that's relevant.
Laurie: So both of our votes count the same, right?
Grayson: Yeah, it's a great system.
Laurie: I think it works.

I like queen bitch, it makes me sound like leader of the gays.

Dr. Evans

Travis: Does this mean my girlfriend doesn't like my short stories?
Andy: Of course not, Trav. No one does.

I got my real estate license online one morning when I was trying to avoid fees for my second home. But I get it, real estate is what you do when you have no other option. It's like being a stripper except you get to see your face on a bus bench. Well not this face, of course, but the air brushed version.

Dr. Evans

It's been awhile since I wore a tie, I keep thinking someone's trying to strangle me.


Jules: You smell nice.
Dr. Evans: That's the smell of confidence.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total