Andy: Ellie's just jealous because she thinks I care more about you than her.
Bobby: Do you?
Andy: Yes, it's not even close.

When you get up from that ottoman I'd go get a pregnancy test.

Jules

Andy: He's your son.
Ellie: He needs to learn.

Travis: Well you're betraying your own life philosophy.
Laurie: Never fight shorthaired bitches?

Park Ranger: You married to one of those guys?
Ellie: No, they're lovers.

Jules: Way to go new guy.
Grayson: New guy? I am a key member of this group. I provide the sizzle.

Jules: Still, Ellie thinks she's horrible, and we all agree with her.
Grayson: Oh.

[Title Card]: Pay attention. The title: Cougar Town almost makes sense this week.

Dead mom high five!

Jules

How could you not believe me about my mom? You're my best friend, all I ask is that you have blind faith in me, and that you hit me with a shovel if I ever got a toe ring.

Ellie

Since you recently found out you're a dad, I baked you a congrats on your baby-that-you-had-with-a-drunk-that-picked-up-at-your-bar-before-you-started-dating-Jules cake!

Laurie

Jules: What are you guys doing here anyway?
Travis: We're stealing-
Jules: -I'm in! I love it when we do things as a family!

Cougar Town Season 3 Quotes

Welcome to Cougar Town. Your name isn't that great either.

Title Card

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.