Cougar Town

Cougar Town Season 3 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 3 Episode 7: "You Can Still Change Your Mind"

Jules: Mother of God I gotta drink!
 • Rating: Unrated

[Title Card]: Seriously, we spend more time coming up with these title cards than we do writing the show.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ellie: Get used to it. These idiots are a six-pack away from running away together.
 • Rating: Unrated

Laurie: I almost barfed. Luckily I can control my gag reflex. [Looks at Ellie] Nothing?
Ellie: I don't swing at softballs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Laurie: What is this? It looks like a smoke detector from a disco.
Ellie: That is a Simon.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jules: Ellie, I had to titi in the yard.
Ellie: Why wouldn't you just go in the shower?
Jules: Gross.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Grayson: You know, as a parent.
Jules: As a parent? You just found out you were a Dad 48 hours ago.
Ellie: Yeah, come down Day 2. Now, as a parent of several years what I think-
Jules: I'll let you finish that thought if you can tell me where your child is right now.
Ellie: I'm out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Travis: Grayson, I didn't know you were the little spoon.
Grayson: ...it makes me feel safe.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 6: "Something Big"

Grayson: Holly, this is my fiancé, Jules, and her scary judgmental friend.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jules: You have a lost and found Bang Box? Disgusting.
 • Rating: Unrated

[Title Card]: You know what would be cooler than this title card bit? A new title.
 • Rating: Unrated

Travis: So, what brings you to the phallus palace?
Laurie: That sounds like a great name for a gay bar.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ellie: Your fridge is filled with nothing but beer and churros.
 • Rating: Unrated

Laurie: Hey bro, there is no music in the world that will match what your body is doing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ellie: Hi new girlfriend, I'm sorry you have to sleep with him.
Angie: Oh, that's okay, he's good at it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellie: I hope a shark eats your face.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 5: "A One Story Town"

Jules: When I rank all the things that make me want to die it goes: books, snakes, PBS, acapella.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[Title Card]: No, it's not just "Scrubs" in Florida with a lot of wine.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ellie: So out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Cougar Town" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!