Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

I get Big Carl? What's going on? Are you dying?

Ellie

Jules: No one gets any wine until they say something nice about Ellie.
Laurie: I'm going to a bar.

No wine for you!

Ellie

Ellie: You're not crazy about the ditzy, trashy, fake blonde, fake tan, fake boobs, club skank you one-night standed to make that baby.
Jules: She says it better.

Mother of God I gotta drink!

Jules

[Title Card]: Seriously, we spend more time coming up with these title cards than we do writing the show.

Get used to it. These idiots are a six-pack away from running away together.

Ellie

Laurie: I almost barfed. Luckily I can control my gag reflex. [Looks at Ellie] Nothing?
Ellie: I don't swing at softballs.

Laurie: What is this? It looks like a smoke detector from a disco.
Ellie: That is a Simon.

Jules: Ellie, I had to titi in the yard.
Ellie: Why wouldn't you just go in the shower?
Jules: Gross.

Grayson: You know, as a parent.
Jules: As a parent? You just found out you were a Dad 48 hours ago.
Ellie: Yeah, come down Day 2. Now, as a parent of several years what I think-
Jules: I'll let you finish that thought if you can tell me where your child is right now.
Ellie: I'm out.

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 94 in total

Cougar Town Season 3 Quotes

Jules: All I want to do is make you happy.
Grayson: Really? Maybe tonight we'll..
Jules: ... it's not about sex, babe. But I want you to try to keep listening.
Grayson: I'll try my best.

[Title Card]: Yeah, it's still called Cougar Town we're not happy about it either.