I don't remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?

Ellie

I did not watch Chapstick, but I did watch him to leave.

Ellie

Oh come on Ellie, we all know Travis is ambitious, talented, and has a fantastic work ethic. [Everyone laughs]

Grayson

Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Yep, we raised a deadbeat.

Jules

Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

What does the cougar say?

Title Card

What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life's that shop there?

Ellie

There is no greater tragedy than outliving your own wine glass.

Ellie

Letting you put this green screen in my apartment was one the worst mistakes of my life, and I've went out with Dennis Rodman y’all.

Laurie

I haven’t hurt this bad since I had to push my childhood home to a gas station. I would give anything to stop.

Laurie

Cougar Town Season 5 Quotes

Pale and tan swirl.

Jules

Even I’m uncomfortable, and I once had sex in a cemetery. I had "Rita Rogers Loving Wife and Mother" printed on my back for two weeks.

Laurie