John: Thank you for your time and for donating the lunch. We really appreciate it.
Larry: Please, whatever you need. I'll donate anything you want. I'll donate it all. My time, my organs. What do you want? You want a kidney? I'll give you a kidney. What else do you need? I've got a terrific penis. I could donate a penis. I've got a good spleen. Excellent spleen. [starts singing] "Mr. Spleen gets rid of dirt and grime, and grease in just a minute. Mr. Spleen will clean your whole house and everything that's in it, Mr. Spleen."

Larry: Big family?
John: Yeah. Five brothers and sisters, you know, Irish.
Larry: You ever catch your parents having sex?
John: No..
Larry: Me either

So I'm really happy with my new sneakers. You know, 'cause they're gray. And, if you think about it's a good color, 'cause white is really too bright and black is like a pair of shoes. And gray is kind of like right in the middle. They look good


Therapist: I see swings of emotion that disturb me a little bit, Larry.
Larry: There's no swings. I'm a hammock. A hammock is very placid

Richard: This is my 28th therapist since 1969. I don't want any more. I don't want to break the record.
Larry: The recap is very hard, isn't it? Your recap is two, three months, isn't it?
Richard: "Two, three months?" That's just the crib!

Larry: I don't really get this fascination that people have with the ocean.
Cheryl: No?
Larry: I mean, I stare at it for ten minutes, and I go, "Okay, I get it.

I don't really like the outdoors, you know. It's not a good place for bald people out there

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