Larry: Wrestling's fixed.
Thor's kid 1: What do you mean?
Larry: All the matches are set up beforehand. The winners are all pre-determined. It's completely illegitimate.
Thor's kid 2: You mean it's fake?
Larry: Exactly, fake. That's exactly the word I'm looking for. Dad's kind of a big fake. You know what he is? He's more of an actor than a wrestler.
Thor's kid 1: Dad's an actor?
Larry: That's right. The whole thing's a big phoney boloney. Everybody knows that. Nobody thinks it's real. You tell him the bald turd said hello.

Susie: [Jeff] thinks I don't know about his porn stash! Take all this crap, he's gonna need it alone in the hotel!
Larry: He actually told me he doesn't want any of this stuff.
Susie: "Freak That Booty", "Big Ass Momma", all his favorites. Think I don't know about this crap?
[Larry looks at the cover of "Big Ass Momma"]
Susie: Oh, you're into this shit, too? You're into that kinky Big Ass Momma crap?
Larry: No! Are you crazy?
Susie: I thought you were a family man!
Larry: No, I thought I recognized that woman from the back

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses

Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire?

Larry

This is not a meeting about the show, this is a meeting about a meeting!

Jason Alexander

I don't tell my wife anything. I don't confide in her. I don't trust anybody. I just treat her like an acquaintance

Larry
Displaying all 6 quotes