You're saying LOL. You're verbal texting.


You say what everyone's thinking. You just come out with it. It's impressive.

Ron (to Larry)

She's an adult when she turns 13 or learns to make her first latkes.


Juliet: How are the potatoes?
Larry: Actually, the potatoes are a little cold.

He has no balls. I have a solid single ball.


Man: So you think all Black people look alike?
Larry: I think all computers look alike.

Richard: What's half a double D?
Larry: No, B minus. Minus is closer to the D. What's closer to the D? The minus or the plus?

You're comparing breasts with balls? People hate balls.


I have no problem with crying in a grocery store. I would suggest, however, the next time you feel overwhelmed by something, to go to a different section.


Woman: Do you want to apologize to my dog? Because you really yelled at my dog.
Larry: Yeah, it's very hard to apologize to a dog because they're a stupid animal.

I don't know where you were living before, but I think this would probably be a step up. You hit the jackpot with this place, huh?


She was upset? Her dog pooped all over my yard, three times.


Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses