Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 7: "AAMCO"

Larry: What'd you pay for this?
Jeff: It's personal.
Larry: "Personal?" What are you, insane?
 • Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: You should never listen to Jeff for anything. I don't know why I have to keep telling you that
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Next time you do one of these [dinner parties], I want some Jews in the house. Some Cohns, some Bernsteins, some Goldsteins... a Schwartz
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeff: You never congratulated me on my new car.
Larry: What, are you kidding?
Jeff: No, I'm not kidding. I was pretty hurt by it.
Larry: I never congratulated your new car?
Jeff: I was hurt by it
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? What a strange thing
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 6: "The Wire"

Cheryl: I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll just have to arrange another meeting.
Larry: Are you out of your mind now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeff: If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.
Cheryl: Anything could happen.
Larry: A lot of people sue me
 • Rating: Unrated

Phyliss: I'm finally in the house that Jerry Seinfeld built!
Larry: With his own hands, and some hammers, he actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry [on Jerry Seinfeld]: He's a eunuch. Yes, his testicles were cut of when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyliss: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any f**kin' idea
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: What's the guy, four years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!
Cheryl: He's a fan.
Larry: What does he expect to gain from such meeting? What does he think, he's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each others' summer vacations? Is he out of his f**king mind!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 5: "Interior Decorator"

Larry: Why are you listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about
 • Rating: Unrated

Male Parking Attendant: "The bald guy with the glasses." That's you?
Larry: Unfortunately, that's me
 • Rating: Unrated

Doctor: What's this?
Larry: A splint. My wife made it.
Doctor: A plastic knife? Were you at a picnic when you injured yourself?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 4: "The Bracelet"

Richard: How can you not help a blind man?
Larry: How can you say "blind man" in front of a blind man?
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: [Women] can't just have sex with any man, they have to really love the man to get involved with their--with their penis, with their grotesque--with their grotesque penis
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Excuse me. sir, could you do me a favor? I'm going to dial a number. If a woman answers the phone, just hang up, and if a man answers, hand it back.
Man with Cellphone: Are you putting me on?
Larry: No.
Man with Cellphone: What is this about? What are you...
Larry: I hate my friend's girlfriend. I don't want to talk to her
 • Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: Larry, please, it's fine. I don't know what you want me to say to you.
Larry: How about, "honey, I forgive you, would you like to have sex?"
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 3: "Porno Gil"

Gil: My wife jokingly refers to this as "The House that Cum Built"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Should you be going to the party with your back? Can you bend over? Can you bend with your back?
Larry: Yeah.
Brian: Well, then maybe you should bend over and kiss my ass, and maybe next time you'll remember to, uh, pick up the f**king golf ball
 • Rating: Unrated

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