Susie: [Jeff] thinks I don't know about his porn stash! Take all this crap, he's gonna need it alone in the hotel!
Larry: He actually told me he doesn't want any of this stuff.
Susie: "Freak That Booty", "Big Ass Momma", all his favorites. Think I don't know about this crap?
[Larry looks at the cover of "Big Ass Momma"]
Susie: Oh, you're into this shit, too? You're into that kinky Big Ass Momma crap?
Larry: No! Are you crazy?
Susie: I thought you were a family man!
Larry: No, I thought I recognized that woman from the back

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses

Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire?

Larry

This is not a meeting about the show, this is a meeting about a meeting!

Jason Alexander

I don't tell my wife anything. I don't confide in her. I don't trust anybody. I just treat her like an acquaintance

Larry

Dana: I notice this is a GT and the brochure says there's a model called the GTS. Now what is the difference between the GT and the GTS?
Larry: Okay, the GTS is "guaranteed tremendous safety."
Dana: So, without the "S," it's just "guaranteed tremendous?"

Cheryl: Oh my god, is that the ocean?
Larry: Eh, you get used to that in two days

Larry: So what, I'm a shmuck for being in a masturbation contest?
Jason Alexander: It's not an incredibly noble experiment was it?

Can you shoot the whales from this balcony? Because sometimes I like to have blubber for breakfast

Larry
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