Laura: You're pretty cavalier considering your carelessness almost killed my daughter.
Gabrielle: I gotta say, Laura, you're kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking. Why don't you try a pipe?

Mike: Honey, let her have her lies. Let her plot. You got nothing to worry about. You mean everything to me and Katherine means nothing.
Susan: Well, that's sweet. I'm gonna go tell her you said that.

Mrs. McCluskey: Lynette, when you've needed a favor from me, have I ever let you down?
Lynette: Last month we needed a sitter for Penny, but you didn't want to miss Oktoberfest. And just last thursday...
Mrs. McCluskey: Okay, new way in.

Lynette: This would be a really good place for you to jump in and tell me I'm not a castrating bitch
Tom: Sure! Just put down the knife first.

Tom: So, I still don't get why you fired Roy. I mean, he was putting the bird house where you wanted it, right?
Lynette: It's not about that. He said I emasculate you.
Tom: He said that?
Lynette: Well, not in those words. He went with a more colorful nutcracking analogy.
Tom: He is funny.

Karen: When Roy's spirits are drooping, the problem is global. You get the picture?
Lynette: Getting the picture isn't the problem. It's getting rid of it.

Susan: Oh my God! Katherine, the gun just went off. Are you all right?
Katherine: You tried to kill me!
Susan: Okay, I just shot you. Let's not be throwing accusations around.

Laura, you're kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking. Why don't you try a pipe?

Gabrielle
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