Bree: So what are you saying, the twins killed Martha?
Lynette: Well, I wouldn't put it past them

John: Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree: Hello, John. I'm sorry to drop by on you, unannounced. Do you have a moment?
John: Sure. So, what can I do for you?
Bree: Well, I'll tell you. My daughter is planning on giving you her virginity and I would consider it a personal favor if you wouldn't take it

Susan: Oh, God, you scared me.
Mike: How'd it go?
Susan: It went just peachy, and humiliating, and shocking.
Mike: Susan...
Susan: How could you? God, "Susan, do you trust me?" "Yes, of course I do." Oh, I'm such an idiot, and you're such a liar. Oh, and apparently a killer, and a drug dealer. That's just quite a personal ad you've got going there.
Mike: Susan, I came to Wisteria Lane--
Susan: Stop! Stop, Mike, just stop. If you keep talking, you're gonna work your way into my heart and I just don't want you anywhere near my heart. Ever

Justin: I want to do you a favor.
Gabrielle: What kind of favor?
Justin: Well, John says that you can't exactly afford a gardener right now, and I told him I'd be happy to do it. For free.
Gabrielle: You want to mow my lawn for free?
Justin: Mow your lawn, water your flowers, trim your bushes. I could do everything John did for you.
Gabrielle: That's very generous of you, but I don't think so.
Justin: Why?
Gabrielle: Because my husband is home quite a lot these days. If any bush needs trimming, he takes care of it.
Justin: Well, this is a beautiful yard. I'm sure it could use a little extra attention.
Gabrielle: I'm flattered, but no, thank you.
Justin: Mrs. Solis, please.
Gabrielle: Did I mention why my husband's home a lot? He's under house arrest.
Justin: Oh?
Gabrielle: He has a lot of anger toward the government right now and he's just dying to find someone to take it out on

Bree Van De Kamp believed in old-fashioned values. Things like respect for God, the importance of family, and love of country. In fact, Bree believed so strongly in her values, it was always a shock whenever she was confronted with those who didn't

Mary Alice

Bree: Andrew is still a child.
Rex: He's sixteen. It's not unheard of.
Bree: Honey, you have to talk to him.
Rex: And tell him what?
Bree: Tell him that we found his condom and that he is forbidden from - you know.
Rex: I can absolutely tell him that we think he's too young, but I don't think it's gonna do any good.
Bree: Well, then the least we can do is go search his room and if we find any more of these, we'll confiscate them.
Rex: And that will accomplish what?
Bree: Well, if we take away his condoms, maybe...
Rex: He's a teenage boy. We could take away his penis. He'd still try to have sex

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