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Sister Mary: Are you two involved in any charities?
Gabrielle: Currently? No.
Carlos: But we should be. I mean, let's face it Gabby, buying more stuff isn't gonna make our lives any better.
Sister Mary: Exactly. Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting!
Carlos: Gabby!
Gabrielle: It's a joke. Lighten up.
Carlos: Can you believe this? I'm married to a woman so selfish, she makes fun of the entire concept of charity.
Gabrielle: You are a hypocrite. The money you spent to buy your sports car could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador.
Carlos: Ok, you're right. But I'm evolving, starting right now. Sister, I would like to donate my car to your mission.
Gabrielle: What?!
Sister Mary: Carlos, are you sure?
Carlos: Absolutely. Gabrielle and I don't need two cars, we can share one.
Gabrielle: Share? What if you have the car and I need to go shopping.
Carlos: We're gonna cut back on shopping too.
Gabrielle (yelling): Ok, I think we should all just calm down a little bit!

Good guys wear white hats and bad guys wear black. This is how children distinguish between good and evil. But they soon learn that bad guys always don't look so bad. And sometimes they seem downright friendly. That is until you get to know them a little bit better.

Mary Alice

Lynette: Nina, I think I speak for everyone here when I say we are sick and tired of your abuse. Frankly, you owe us an apology.
Nina: Is, is this true? I mean, I would be mortified if I thought that I hurt any of you. If anybody feels like I owe them an apology, please speak up. You? You? You? Gee, Lynette, I guess you were mistaken. All right, let's recap, shall we? Stinky pitch, working late, no apologies.

Gabrielle: Hello.
Man's Voice: Hello. My name is Mark Martinez. Uh, I'm the assistant warden down at Fairview County Jail. Is Mrs. Solis available?
Gabrielle: Uh, yeah, this is her. Did, did something happen with Carlos?
Man's Voice: At seven forty-three this morning, your husband held two guards at gunpoint and successfully escaped.
Gabrielle: He what?
Man's Voice: I take it you had no prior knowledge he had planned to do this.
Gabrielle: No, of course not! He's a moron!
Man's Voice: We have every reason to believe your husband may come to find you. We believe him to be armed and very, very horny.

Call the police! If they drag me away, I'm only gonna come right back here. I want you to hear the whole medley! Come on!

George

George: (singing) Just for a rainy evening.
Bree: George! I have guests! What do you think you are doing?
George: We had a tiff. I upset you and now I'm just trying to make things right again.
Bree: It was not a tiff! We broke up! It's over!
George: (singing) We can still come through!
Bree: I am not kidding. If you do not knock it off, I'm going to call the police!
George: All right, go ahead. (singing) I really lost my head last night!

Gabrielle: What happened?
Carlos: Well, there's this church group that helps out Catholic prisoners and they really, really stepped up for me.
Gabrielle: Well, what did they do?
Carlos: They lobbied the Parole Board and it worked.
Gabrielle: Mmm. I guess I owe the Pope a thank you note.
Carlos: Uh, less talking, more stripping.

George: We need to phone an ambulance.
Bree: I called them while you were asleep. They're already on their way.

Sister Mary: Carlos is a diamond in the rough, a flawed man to be sure, but someone who is desperately searching for something to believe in. To satisfy your materialism, he ended up breaking the law. To deal with your adultery, he resorted to assault. As long as he's with you, he will never find what he's looking for.
Gabrielle: Well, I guess he should have thought of that before he married me.
Sister Mary: Some marriages are meant to be annulled.
Gabrielle: What the hell kind of nun are you? Look, if you try to come between me and my husband, I will take you down.
Sister Mary: I grew up on the south side of Chicago. If you wanna threaten me, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that.
Gabrielle: You listen to me, you little bitch. You do not want to start a war with me.
Sister Mary: Well, I have God on my side. Bring it on.

George: Hey, fancy seeing you here. I was just out for a little ride.
Bree: Don't lie to me, George. You've been riding up and down this street for the last hour.
George: I don't want to do this, Bree, but you won't return any of my phone calls.
Bree: So stalking me is plan B?
(Bree gets into her car. George gets off the bike and goes to her car window)
George: Bree, I know I messed up. I know I got some issues to work on, but I'd be willing to see a therapist if that's what you want. I'll do anything but how can I show you that I, I can change if you don't give me a second chance? Come on. You know I'm not a bad person.
Bree: I do know that, but I'm just not sure you're a good one, either.

Sister Mary: Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting.

(voiceover) It's not always that easy to distinguish between the good guys and the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you (shot of Gabrielle watching Carlos praying before he goes to sleep.) And the same is true for saints (shot of Sister Mary praying at church before snuffing out a candle.) Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil? (Shot of Nina crying as she packs up her desk) Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can exist side-by-side in one heart. (Shot of Susan's father recovering in the hospital.) And that anyone is capable of anything. (Shot of Bree cleaning up George's hotel room as he lays dying.)

Mary Alice
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 9 Quotes

Good guys wear white hats and bad guys wear black. This is how children distinguish between good and evil. But they soon learn that bad guys always don't look so bad. And sometimes they seem downright friendly. That is until you get to know them a little bit better.

Mary Alice

Sister Mary: Are you two involved in any charities?
Gabrielle: Currently? No.
Carlos: But we should be. I mean, let's face it Gabby, buying more stuff isn't gonna make our lives any better.
Sister Mary: Exactly. Money can't buy happiness.
Gabrielle: Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting!
Carlos: Gabby!
Gabrielle: It's a joke. Lighten up.
Carlos: Can you believe this? I'm married to a woman so selfish, she makes fun of the entire concept of charity.
Gabrielle: You are a hypocrite. The money you spent to buy your sports car could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador.
Carlos: Ok, you're right. But I'm evolving, starting right now. Sister, I would like to donate my car to your mission.
Gabrielle: What?!
Sister Mary: Carlos, are you sure?
Carlos: Absolutely. Gabrielle and I don't need two cars, we can share one.
Gabrielle: Share? What if you have the car and I need to go shopping.
Carlos: We're gonna cut back on shopping too.
Gabrielle (yelling): Ok, I think we should all just calm down a little bit!

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