Carlos: When I got home from prison, all you left me was a post it that said: Take out the trash, ex-con.

Come in! And don't be an axe murderer.


A loan shark and a Jehovah witness? Not a combo you see often.


My son eats waffsicles!


You better watch. This phone has a whoop-ass app.


You had me at stupid girlfriend.


Yes, love can bring out the best in us... the confidence to move on, the courage to tell the truth, the strength to keep hoping, but sometimes what surprises us the most isn't what love brings out but who it brings back.

Mary Alice

Juanita: First, kissing. Then, get married. Then, he buys me presents.
Gaby: Oh my God, you are my daughter.
Gaby: Wow. Booze, loose morals, and swearing? Too bad, there's no more Bree left.

What is that... 5 guys in a week? Is she starting a basketball team?

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