Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 1 Episode 3: "Pretty Little Picture"

Susan: You can afford a cabin but you can't scrape up child support?
Karl: The check's in the mail.
Susan: Uh...[checks mailbox] No, it's not
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: After I died, I began to surrender the parts of myself that were no longer necessary. My desires, beliefs, ambitions, doubts, every trace of my humanity was discarded. I discovered when moving through eternity, it helps to travel lightly. In fact, I held onto only one thing. My memory. It's astonishing to look back on the world I left behind. I remember it all, every single detail. Like my friend, Bree Van De Kamp, I remember the easy confidence of her smile, the gentle elegance of her hands, the refined warmth of her voice, but what I remember most about Bree, is the look of fear in her eyes Bree had started to realize her world was unraveling, and for a woman who despised loose ends, that was unacceptable
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: You know what? I don't need an apology! I don't need anything from you!
Karl: You're humiliating yourself!
Susan: No, you're the one who's been humiliated, Karl. Why don't you see that? You walked out on your family! People think you're scum, not me! So worry about yourself! I'm okay with me! I can walk down the street and hold my head high!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Thanks for helping me break in. Do you think it's gonna be hard to replace that screen?
Mike: Well that depends. Nail it in yourself, you might wanna wear gloves. Or pants. Pants wouldn't hurt.
Susan: Okay. I know what just happened is funny, in theory, but I am nowhere near ready to laugh about it. So please, no jokes.
Bree: Hey, where've you been?
Mike: Um, Susan had a problem finding something to wear. Oh, was that the kinda thing you meant?
Susan: Pretty much
 • Rating: Unrated

Karl: The heart wants what it wants.
Susan: Well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I can control myself!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Listen, Mike, about the whole "seeing me naked" thing. I just wanna thank you for being such a perfect gentleman.
Mike: Oh, I wasn't a prefect gentleman, I might've snuck a peek.
Susan: Oh, goodnight.
Mike: And for what it's worth, wow
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Rex. In college, when we first started dating, people were so jealous of us. We were the golden couple. Everybody knew we were going to have this wonderful life. Why is this happening?
Rex: Because you won't even let me pack my own suitcase
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "Ah, But Underneath"

Mary Alice: An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gabrielle: I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you let her do that?
Susan: I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but it all happened so fast.
Gabrielle: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there.
Susan: That's a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for five
 • Rating: Unrated

Julie: Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.
Julie: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
Susan: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
Julie: How's that going?
Susan: Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?
Susan: Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need emotional support
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
Julie: He did? Cool.
Susan: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Bree: Do you remember when you proposed?
Rex: For God's sake.
Bree: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, "If you marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life." And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even though my father didn't like you, I said yes
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: When a man buys a woman expensive jewelry, there are many things he may want in return. For future reference, conversation ain't one of them
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: Should I have told her we were having steak? She's not like, a vegetarian or something, is she?
Susan: Oh, no, no. Edie's definitely a carnivore
 • Rating: Unrated

Woman: Listen, it seems to me like you have some anger management issues.
Lynette: I have four kids under the age of six. I absolutely have anger management issues
 • Rating: Unrated

Edie [about her housing burning down]: Oh God, look at all these things, all these beautiful things that my ex-husbands worked so hard for, burnt to a crisp
 • Rating: Unrated

Mrs. Huber: Susan, do you have anything to contribute to the clothing drive for Edie? The poor thing is running around in next to nothing!
Susan: Oh, Mrs. Huber, I thought that was Edie's idea behind it all.
Mrs. Huber: Oh, Susan! Edie may be trash but that doesn't mean she isn't a human being!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: Susan was furious with Edie for using a dog to ingratiate herself with its owner. She was also furious with Mike for not seeing through this blatant maneuver. But most of all, she was furious with herself for not having thought of it first
 • Rating: Unrated

John: Ah. This is great. I got tons of homework tonight. It's so easy to concentrate after sex.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education is very important
 • Rating: Unrated

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