Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 1 Episode 12: "Every Day a Little Death"

Felicia: Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief. My sister, Martha, would have been so touched. I know that many of you have questions. I've just spoken with the police who are still putting together the details of what happened. What they do know is, Martha died a violent death. Yes, I know. It's hard to hear. Apparently, there was a struggle. They found scratching and bruising on her body, several broken bones, and traces of dirt in her lungs, which leads us to believe that she was still alive at the time of her burial, and probably in great pain. But the good news is, there are no signs that she had been molested. Now, I think it's time that you return to your homes, to your loved ones. Oh, in lieu of a memorial service, I'll be holding an estate sale the day after tomorrow. Please, no personal checks
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 11: "Move On"

Rex: Look at you... going out?
Bree: Not that it's any of your business, but I have a date.
Rex: A date... what kind of date?
Bree: Rex, I don't want to say anything that might upset you. The doctor said any more stress could cause another heart attack... It's a romantic date with a single, attractive man and I intend to French the hell out of him
 • Rating: Unrated

Edie: You know, I can only imagine how worried you must be.
Felicia: I'm not worried, Edie. Martha and I had a very intense bond. We were connected at the most primal level, and a few days ago, I felt this sensation in my soul. That's when it first dawned on me that something had happened to my sister. And when she didn't arrive at my home as scheduled, well, that's when I knew she was dead.
Edie: Oh, honey, no! You mustn't think like that! Martha's only missing!
Felicia: No, Edie, she's dead. But she's my sister, and I'm going to find out exactly what happened to her.
Edie: Look, Felicia, it's natural to freak out when a loved one is missing.
Felicia: Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place
 • Rating: Unrated

Paul: I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sister's safe return.
Felicia: Oh, I seriously doubt that
 • Rating: Unrated

George: It was nice talking with you, Dr. Van de Kamp.
Rex: Please, you're dating my wife! Call me Rex!
 • Rating: Unrated

Andrew: Knew what? Well come on, tell me! Because I'd love to know what my father did that was so awful!
Bree: Fine. I will see him through this, but after that, your father can rot in hell for all I care!
Danielle: We're not like other families, are we?
Andrew: No. We're not
 • Rating: Unrated

Rex: So you didn't tell them about...
Bree: Your adultery? No. I decided to keep that little gem all to myself
 • Rating: Unrated

Andrew : You want to see how long I can hold a grudge? Go ahead and abandon my father, because I promise you, you'll be sorry
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: You know, I retract my earlier statement. I no longer love you. In fact, I just think of you as a really good buddy.
Susan: No. No, no, no. You obviously think you have some insight into my soul, so please, go ahead, dazzle me.
Mike: Your divorce left you hurt and vulnerable.
Susan: Big insight. The postman knows that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: Edie Britt could never understand why she didn't have any female friends. Of course, she always tried to tell people she didn't need any, but the truth was, it bothered Edie that other women didn't seem to like her. Even after moving to Wisteria Lane, Edie couldn't understand why her neighbors kept their distance. And then she met Martha Huber. Within five minutes, Mrs. Huber managed to disparage what Edie was wearing. In fact, whenever they got together, Mrs. Huber insulted her. She made fun of everything from Edie's makeup to her taste in men. Yes, Martha Huber could be cruel, offensive, and downright mean. But Edie didn't care, because she was the first real friend Edie Britt had ever had. But now Martha Huber was missing. She had vanished without a trace, and Edie was not embarrassed to admit, she needed her back
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 10: "Come Back to Me"

Maisy: Oh, Bree. What a nice surprise. Would you like to come in?
Bree: Well, that depends. Are you having an affair with my husband?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. I'm going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?
Rex: Bree...
Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want what's about to happen to you...to hurt as much as humanly possible. I'm so glad you didn't die before I got a chance to tell you that
 • Rating: Unrated

Maisy: You're not going to tell a soul. Bree, you may hate me, but you'd hate the humiliation a lot more.
Bree: Oh, I don't hate you, Maisy. I pity you
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: To understand Maisy Gibbons, you first need to know how she spent her afternoons. Her mornings were spent running errands for her husband. Her evenings were spent washing dishes and helping with homework. But her afternoons, well, they were spent in the company of men. Frustrated. Misunderstood. Lonely men. Willing to pay money to feel a little less lonely. And Maisy Gibbons was willing to help them
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: Every morality play has its cast of characters. There is always an innocent victim...a deceitful villain...a prosecutor who seeks the truth...a magistrate that dispenses justice...and a lawyer who charges too much
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: No one knew where Martha Huber was, and Edie Britt was starting to worry. Edie didn't like worrying. She felt it gave her wrinkles. So, out of concern for her face and Mrs. Huber, Edie decided to find out what was going on
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Were you with a woman? Did you tell her that you have a wife or does that hinder your pick-up style?
Rex: All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!
Bree: Options?! I'm not a mutual fund, Rex
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 9: "Suspicious Minds"

Gabrielle: Susan, hi. Do you want to help with the seating cards?
Susan: Sure. Do you want to tell me why you had your foot in John Rowland's crotch yesterday?
Gabrielle: Oh, that. He was helping me adjust the seam in my stocking, and from your angle, it must have looked a little weird.
Susan: You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: I'm the one who was sleeping your son. I'm so sorry.
Helen: So when it started, he was sixteen?
Gabrielle: But Helen you have to believe me, it's over now.
Helen: Oh no, it's not even close to being over
 • Rating: Unrated

Edie: Crap! Crap! Crap! I'm telling you, all of the good dresses are taken. Well, what the hell am I supposed to wear?
Lynette: Well, Mrs. Huber never showed up. Why don't you wear this one?
Edie: This is an old lady dress. You won't even be able to see my body.
Lynette: That is so like you, Edie. You're always thinking of others
 • Rating: Unrated

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