Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 5: "Come In, Stranger"

Bree: I love to try out new recipes before the holidays. That way if the cookbook has it wrong, I can fix it
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Rex. The truth is, with the kids gone, I'll be all by myself in this house for the first time in seventeen years.
Rex: Honey, I know it's hard to hear, but the marriage counseling might not work out. You need to get used to being alone.
Bree: You're right. That was hard to hear
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: A guy just smiles at me three times and I'm picking out wedding china. I'm a mess.
Lynette: But to be fair, that's part of your charm
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: Every neighborhood has a woman like Alberta Fromme. And every woman like Mrs. Fromme has a cat. When she traveled Mrs. Fromme would arrange for friends to look after her beloved pet. This time, however, she was forced to ask her neighbor Susan Mayer. Mrs. Fromme liked Susan, but it was common knowledge on Wisteria Lane, where Susan Mayer went, bad luck was sure to follow. Her misfortunes ranged from the commonplace (Susan backs up her car, knocking down the trashcan), to the unusual (Susan leans against a table that has a wedding cake on it. The table collapses and so does she, landing on her front on the cake), to the truly bizarre (Susan puts birdseed in a bird feeder in her front lawn and a bird starts flying around her hair, refusing to leave). As she waved goodbye, she worried that Susan's streak of bad luck would continue. For that matter, so did her cat
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: Do you have to do that now? My mother's here.
Gabrielle: Hey, I'm not gonna stop my life just because she decides to show up unannounced I might add.
Carlos: She's family. She doesn't need an invitation.
Gabrielle: Yeah. Well. Whatever. It's rude
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: You remember that cop from the neighborhood watch meeting the other night? He agreed to run a fingerprint check on the screwdriver I found at Mrs Fromme's house.
Mike: He did? Nothing was taken.
Susan: Still, somebody broke in, it is a crime. So the weird thing is, the cop asked me out. On a date.
Mike: Oh?
Susan: And I sort of said...yes. I was sort of curious what you thought about that.
Mike: You're asking my permission to go out with him?
Susan: No, no. I just uh, was wondering your opinion.
Mike: I don't really have one.
Susan: Okay. Great. Fine. Thank you.
Mike: Susan, wait. Wait. I'm sorry. My life its just ah, really complicated right now-
Susan: You don't have to explain.
Mike: Susan!
Susan: It's complicated. I get it
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 4: "Who's That Woman?"

Edie: I hate Susan Mayer. Everytime I see those big doe eyes of hers, I swear to God I just want to go out and shoot a deer
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Yao Lin: I hate lying.
Gabrielle: Yeah, well, I hate your ironing, so there
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Andrew, I'm curious. When you fantasize about this woman, do you ever stop to think how she came to be on this runway? That's someone's little girl. And that someone probably had a lot of dreams for her. Dreams that did not include a thong... and a pole...
 • Rating: Unrated

Martha: Ah, Susan. Being coy is a strategy best employed by virgins at
their first dance, for women of our age it's just annoying
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: I used to run a company with 85 people, and now I can't even wrangle two kids without doping them?
 • Rating: Unrated

John: You want me to mow the lawn wearing sandals? I'd lose a toe.
Gabrielle: You'll lose more than that if Carlos finds out you're trimming more than the hedges
 • Rating: Unrated

Andrew: You went in my room?
Bree: You think that's bad? Tomorrow, I'm cleaning it
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: I love taking baths. Especially with you. It's like taking a vacation from the world.
John: I hated taking baths when I was a kid. Course back then, the only thing I had to play with was my rubber ducky
 • Rating: Unrated

Julie [about Mike]: I still don't understand why you don't just ask him out on an 'official date' date.
Susan: I'm trying a new strategy. I'm playing hard to get.
Julie: How long do you think you can keep that up?
Susan: Oh, maybe until noon. Then I'm going to have to run over there and beg him to love me
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: Why are your friends staring at me? Did you tell them about us?
John: No. They're staring 'cuz they think you're hot.
Gabrielle: Oh, okay
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: When I was alive, I maintained many different identities. Lover, wife, and ultimately, victim. Yes, labels are important to the living. They dictate how people see themselves, like my friend Lynette. She used to see herself as a career woman, and a hugely successful one at that. She was known for her power lunches, her eye-catching presentations and her ruthlessness in wiping out the competition. But Lynette gave up her career to assume a new label, the incredibly satisfying role of full-time mother. But, unfortunately for Lynette, this new label frequently fell short of what was advertised
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 3: "Pretty Little Picture"

Gabrielle [to Ashley, about kissing]: And some people kiss their friends, it's like a high-five on the lips!
 • Rating: Unrated

Rex: So these tennis lessons we're taking. How are we doing?
Bree: My back hand is improving immensely, but you're still having problems with your serve.
Rex: Of course
 • Rating: Unrated

Zach: Maybe when you die, I won't put in an obituary.
Paul: That will be your choice to make. Assuming you outlive me
 • Rating: Unrated

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