Bree: Danielle, I don't know what you're planning, but I need to talk to you right now.
Danielle: Give it up, mom. We're leaving.
Bree: I'm calling the police.
(Bree runs to the phone. Matthew runs to it and tears it off the wall.)
Bree: Do you remember that girl, Melanie Foster? Matthew is the one who killed her.
Danielle: I know you don't want us to be together, but that's the lamest thing I've ever heard.
Bree: His mother told me what happened. It's true.
Matthew: Let's go, Danielle.

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

Danielle: See, I told you she wasn't home. Her car's not even here.
Mathew: And you said the safe was upstairs?
Danielle: Damn it, my mother must have changed the combination.
Matthew: Okay. Wait here. I'll be right back.

Nora: Hey, you! You must be Lynette.
Lynette: And you must be Nora.
Nora: I guess it'd be weird if we hugged.
Lynette: Probably.
Tom: Wh...where's Kayla?
Nora: Oh, she didn't come. We got into this huge fight, and I was, like...I just couldn't stand to look at her face on that long plane trip, so I dumped her at the neighbors. But, hey, come on, you got me.

Lynette: I don't see another way to make this work. We've gotta dip into the pensions.
Tom: Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Lynette: Well, it's that or the kids college fund. We'll write Nora one big check, and in return, she'll sign away her claim for the back child support. If we're lucky, she'll take the bird in the hand.
Tom: Okay, what are we talking about? How much?
Lynette: Well, we need to show her we're serious. $30,000.00?
Tom: Are you kidding? Thirty?
Lynette: If she takes you to court, we'll lose and end up paying 11 years of child support all at once. We could lose the house.

Danielle: Mom, please move.
Bree: No. I gave up on your brother, and I'm not gonna make that mistake with you.
Matthew: We don't have time for this.
(Matthew pulls out a gun and points it at Bree.)
Danielle: Where did you get that? What are you doing?!
Matthew: Move away!
Bree: Danielle, I want you to get out of the house now. He's a killer.
Matthew: Shut up!
Danielle: Don't point that at my mother!
Bree: Danielle! I'm serious, go.
Matthew: What's wrong with you?! I'm gonna shoot you!
Danielle: Matthew, stop it!

Nora: Hi.
Lynette: Hi. Did you get the check?
Nora: Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have a minute?
Lynette: Tom?!
Nora: I'm not the type of person that can keep things bottled up inside.
Lynette: Really?
Nora: So I'm just gonna have to get this off my chest. You made me feel really bad about myself yesterday at the restaurant.
Lynette: My sincerest apologies.
Nora: You treated me like some sort of mercenary, like the only reason I came here was to extort money from you.
Lynette: Well, to be honest, first, we bought you pie, then you tried to extort money from us.

Gabrielle: What's so funny?
John: Me and my friend Justin had this bet. See who could lose their virginity first this summer at Bible Camp. Guess I beat him to the punch.
Gabrielle: You were a virgin?
John: So it didn't show?
Gabrielle: Oh, no. No, I mean, I guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the American presidents in order.
John: Ah, I wish you hadn't heard that. I was just trying to...
Gabrielle: No, no, you were good. Just, if it comes up in school, Paul Revere was never president.

Psychiatrist: I'm sorry. I don't mean to be flip, but you came here because you were troubled, and then you refuse any help we give you.
Bree: Things were falling apart at home, and I just...I just needed a place to rest, that's all.
Psychiatrist: I think there's more to it than that.
Bree: Do you?
Psychiatrist: I think it has to do with your kids. You don't want to talk about them. Why is that?
Bree: Probably because I'm ashamed.

Bree: My children were my life. They were the reason that I got up in the morning, so to have failed them as a parent...
Psychiatrist: You think you failed them as a parent?
Bree: Well, my son is a sociopath, and my daughter hates me enough to have run away from home. I'm certainly not gonna get "mother of the year" anytime soon.
Psychiatrist: If your kids were here right now, what would you tell them?
Bree: I would beg my son Andrew for forgiveness for having given up on him, and I would tell my daughter not to worry, that I have a plan to protect her.
Psychiatrist: And just what is that plan?

Xiao-mei: I can go now, too?
Gabrielle: No, you can start dinner.
Xiao-mei: What?!
Gabrielle: You're not going anywhere, not as long as you have my baby in your belly.
(Xao-Mei speaks aggressively in Chinese)
Gabrielle: I don't know what that meant, but I didn't like the tone. So just remember, I am the boss of you, or else I'm gonna make this the worst nine months of your life.

Nora: See, Lynette? See? It's not all about money. It's not even a little bit about money. It's about family. Cause we're all a big family now.
Lynette: Sort of.
Nora: Which is why I took all the money that you gave me, and I put it all down on the sweetest little 2 bedroom house over on Arden Drive.
Tom:Ar-Arden Drive over- over by the mall?
Lynette: Like, five minutes from here Arden Drive?
Nora: It's perfect. I could drop Kayla off here anytime so she can play with her new siblings. She can spend time with her dad.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 429 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Gabrielle: Oh! We missed it!
Libby: The kid slipped right out...
Nurse: Are you family?
Libby: They're the parents.

Peter: Your son threatened you with repressed memories? Oh, my god, he is seriously twisted. I gotta meet this kid.
Bree: You sound like you're impressed.
Peter: I sorta am. Sounds like you're definitely raising an alpha male.
Bree: I'm raising a monster is what I'm raising. It's no wonder I drink.

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