Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes
Susan: You are about to unleash a nuclear explosion. Lives are going to be ruined.
Detective: I'll tell you what, I'll hold off until Monday to report to Miss Britt. I'll give you some time to scrape together some cash.
Susan: What if I can't?
Detective: Boooom!!
Lynette: Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause, so until this blows over you have to be a model employee: show up on time, no more three martini lunches and above all, have ready all your presentations.
Tom: I can't believe I've been victimized like this.
Lynette: Honey, in all fairness...those are all things you should be doing anyway..
Tom: ...Fine!
(talking about Xiao-Mei) Bree, you heard what she said? I can't let this poor kid going back to China and become someone's slave!
Gabrielle
Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.
(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.
Gabrielle: Okay, uh, well. Oh, okay, it's like this. The three of us are making your famous szechuan dumpings. And I'm the dough and Carlos is the pork and you're the oven!
Xiao-Mei: I have baby?
Carlos:Okay, we take care of everything. You know uh, hospital bills and maternity clothes and Lamaze classes. And of course, you wouldn't have to do any work!
Gabrielle: Well, uh, maybe just a little light dusting, nothing major.
Xiao-Mei: No!
Gabrielle: Xiao-Mei, you don't have a choice. It's either this or go back to China.
Xiao-Mei: No to baby! No!
Carlos: You had to push the dusting, didn't you?
Bree: Andrew, I'm having Peter over for dinner and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin?
Andrew: Yeah, thanks. I'll call him tonight.
Danielle: Since you to are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?
Bree: Out of the question!
Danielle: So let me get this straight. You can date a lech and he can bring over his gay lover but God forbid I date a hot black guy...
Carlos: I still can't believe it. I mean, why would Xiao-Mei just offer herself up to me like that?
Gabrielle: Well, honey, she's a virgin. Who knows why virgins do anything?
Carlos: She's a virgin? Are you serious?
Gabrielle: Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason.
Bree: Honey, you've got to eat something.
Gabrielle: Don't have an appetite. In fact, this is all going to go to waste. You guys should take something.
Lynette: No, no, you should keep it.
Edie: I'll take a couple. (All the ladies stare at her) What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. Food fills the void.
Susan: You're always worried about Julie and me and you beat up my new boyfriend. And now you're protecting me from Edie. Do you know what all that means?
Mike: That you're high maintenance?
Susan: Oh! Darn it. Guess we'll have to take a rain check, huh?
Gus: I can come back on Tuesday.
Susan: Tu-Tuesday? No, no, Tuesday's not good, 'cause Tuesday's the day I, um, become a lesbian.
Susan knew she couldn't afford to keep the P.I. from revealing her affair with Karl and since Edie would learn the truth anyway, Susan felt it would be better if it came from her. Which is how she came to write a letter begging Edie for forgiveness. Her words were so sincere and heartfelt, from the moment she mailed it, Susan knew she was a dead woman.
Mary Alice
