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Carlos: You knew the one thing that I demanded was fidelity, and you still went out and screwed around behind my back.
Gabrielle: You knew the one thing I didn't want was a child, and you still tricked me into getting pregnant!
Carlos: It's not the same thing.
Gabrielle: Damn straight, what you did was worse!

I don't need to take a test. I'm just trying to reassure my husband of what I know is true in my heart. So if you could just slip me someone else's results, I can make my own. I got photoshop for Christmas.

Gabrielle (<i>to nurse</i>)

(to Parker) I love you, I love your finger painting, but if you touch me with those messy hands, I will cut them off.

Lynette

Bree: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin!

Phyllis: (talking about Rex) I even kept the dirty magazine that he hid under his mattress. He didn't think I knew about it, but I did.
Andrew: Well, looks like dad was into big breasts.
Phyllis: Oh, yes. That's why I was surprised when he married your mother.

I know she's probably a bitch, but she's family; that makes her our bitch.

Andrew (<i>about Phyllis</i>)

So you're just not gonna talk to me, is that it? Fine. I don't need to talk. Okay. Yes, I had a little affair. It wasn't the best thing to do, and I'm not proud of it. But it's not the worst thing that could have happened. Nobody died. Oh, don't be such a martyr, Carlos. Okay, it takes two people. How many times did you go off on your little business trips and leave me alone? See, so technically, you cheated, too. It's just your mistress was your work.

Gabrielle

(to Rex's corpse) You look... magnificent.

Bree

Bree: Give me your tie.
Tom: What?
Bree: Give me your tie!
Lynette: Give it to her! Give it to her!

Displaying quotes 421 - 429 of 429 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Oh no, no, no. You turn my house around!

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For God sakes, Gabrielle, Ralph just died, and you're worried about my feet? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?

Carlos