I am in hell! I just tried to break up with Zach and he played the "dead mommy" card.


Lynette: You're acting like I did when I was six months pregnant.
Tom: Excuse me, you were hitting people.
Lynette: Only two, and the mailman had the good taste never to bring that up again.

Zach: I know that you're mad.
Gabrielle: I'm not mad, Zach. I'm done.
Zach: But you said to be honest.
Gabrielle: I did not say to humiliate me!
Zach: I'm sorry. All right? I was just trying...what do you want from me?
Gabrielle: I want you to leave me alone! This friends thing isn't gonna work 'cause you're always gonna want more, and I'm never gonna love you...ever.
Zach: Twenty years from now when you're all middle-aged and alone, you'll regret this.
Gabrielle: Okay, I'll take my chances.

Carlos: If you don't remember then how can you be sure you and Zach had sex?
Gabrielle: We were both half-naked and there was a condom wrapper and he said I was amazing, which totally sounds like me.

(narrating) Orson Hodge had always assumed that the moment before he died, his entire life would flash before his eyes. But as he fell from the roof of the Fairview Memorial Hospital, it wasn't his life he saw. It was one night in particular (flashback to the night Monique Polier got killed). Yes, Orson Hodge had always assumed that his life would flash before his eyes the moment before he died. Luckily for Orson, that moment was not scheduled for today.

Mary Alice

Eat alot and come back. 'Cos our kids need braces.


Heeelloo! I think it's high time to make a toast. Ehm, Tom, where are you? (looks around) You did it. There are a lot of people in this room that didn't think you could pull it off. Okey, well, maybe just me (everybody laughs). Anyway, congratulations. The pizza is excellent, and the service is sublime (Edie nods to Austin). Cheers!


(seeing the open used condom wrapper on the nightstand) Please tell me that once contained a mint.


Oh Bree. I wish I could make you understand how deeply I regret having to do this. Monique, that was easy, she was a slut. You're a good woman. You didn't know Orson already had a wife, but he did and he made a vow to her before God. What sort of mother would I be if I let him break it? I'm sorry but I will not let him be his father's son.


(to Andrew) I liked you better when you were a psychopath!


I had sex with Alma and I wasn't even conscious? How reminiscent of our marriage...


Oh Tom please, you've checked out my butt enough times to know that I don't eat pizza.


Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.

Parker: You went to the store and you got shot, and auntie Nora died.
Lynette: I'm only gonna be in there for ten minutes, I promise.
Parker: Can't she go? (pointing at Mrs. McCluskey)