And when he got drunk he was a totally different person. One time I thought he was gonna kill me.


You couldn't kill that man's penis with a stick. I know, I tried once.


You said I could call myself a butler.


Maybe not the deaf. They don't have to hear her awful whine.


I'm not going to lie, being in a wheelchair is boring and this promises to be positively scintillating.


Do all the maids have to be Latina? It seems kind of racist.

Eva Longoria

Nick: For what it’s worth, I am so sorry.
Evelyn: After all these years, it’s worth nothing at all.

Adrian: I think of Valentina as a daughter.
Evelyn: Oedipus would be proud.

If I want to hear a sexy accent, I can talk to myself.


Adrian: I keep wondering how in God’s name we manage to outlast so many other couples. I think it’s our sense of humor.
Evelyn: Oh, I was going to credit our high tolerance of adultery or perversion.

Zoila: Marriage is exciting, isn’t it?
Marisol: Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I have to go turn my husband into the police.

I let you get away from me once. I can’t let that happen again.


Devious Maids Quotes

"I don't care about photos. I don't care about evidence. My maid was murdered! Who's going to clean it up?


"I think what you people do is heroic. You wash clothes you can't afford. You polish silver you will never dine with. You mop floors for people who don't bother to learn your last names, and still you dare to dream of a better life. I am in awe of your determination to succeed in this great country of ours. That said, if you don't stop screwing my husband, I'm going to have you deported. Comprende?"