Eastbound & Down Season 1 Episode 2: "Chapter 2" Quotes
A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen before. You know that's how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.
Kenny Powers
I'm trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I'm just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.
Kenny Powers
It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I'm talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I'm talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.
Kenny Powers
There's one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.
Kenny Powers
One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they've ever seen.
Kenny Powers
The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it - making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you're not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.
Kenny Powers
Kenny: Man, this feels good Clegg.
Clegg: Did you take one of those black beauties? The ecstasy?
Kenny: Nah dude. This is a real job. It's not like teachin' kids. Can't get fucked up.
Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.
Ashley: I don't want to be embarrassed.
Kenny: Well, you're doing a good job of that on your own just by how you fucking look.
