Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound-and-down

From this moment on, you're no longer little kids. You're cold, calculated murderers. This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion.

Kenny Powers

Smashing a brick through a f*cking dude's window is nothing compared to the things I've done. I've killed people.

Kenny Powers

Some people say that Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That's not true - I love women. Every f*cking one of them, even the ugly as sh*t ones. But don't ask me to trust them. Not even nuns. Because every pair of t*ts comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.

Kenny Powers

I have been blessed with many things in this life - an arm like a damn rocket, a c*ck like a burmese python, and the mind of a f*cking scientist.

Kenny Powers

A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen before. You know that's how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.

Kenny Powers

I'm trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I'm just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.

Kenny Powers

It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I'm talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I'm talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.

Kenny Powers

There's one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.

Kenny Powers

One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they've ever seen.

Kenny Powers

The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it - making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you're not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.

Kenny Powers

I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my d**k... everyone.

Kenny Powers

But a true champion, face to face with his darkest hour, will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, and fights, and then fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies.

Kenny Powers
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 49 in total

Eastbound & Down Season 1 Quotes

Interviewer: So Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?
Kenny: You mean Jew York? It's fucking great.

Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.

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