Eastbound & Down

Eastbound & Down Season 1 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 4: "Chapter 4"

Stevie: Terrence, I don't teach you how to principal I don't think you should tell me how to teach band.
Terrence: You clearly don't understand the employer-employee relationship.
Stevie: Uh, I'm starting to and I don't like it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: (To his hired date) I said put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 3: "Chapter 3"

Kenny Powers: From this moment on, you're no longer little kids. You're cold, calculated murderers. This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Smashing a brick through a f*cking dude's window is nothing compared to the things I've done. I've killed people.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: Some people say that Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That's not true - I love women. Every f*cking one of them, even the ugly as sh*t ones. But don't ask me to trust them. Not even nuns. Because every pair of t*ts comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: I have been blessed with many things in this life - an arm like a damn rocket, a c*ck like a burmese python, and the mind of a f*cking scientist.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: If there's one thing I hate it's losing. If there's two things I hate it's losing and getting cancer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kenny: What are you looking at?
Paper Boy: Your hair asshole.
Kenny: Yeah, nice job making three bucks a week dips**t. Sell weed and you'll make more money.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: So, besides getting shot in the back of the head do you know what else Abraham Lincoln did? He was a champion wrestler in high school and no, I'm not making that up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: I need you to score me some juice.
Clegg: What do you mean? Like from the store.
Kenny: No, you idiot. Steroids!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "Chapter 2"

Kenny Powers: A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen before. You know that's how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: I'm trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I'm just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: It seems to me an establishment such as this could go for an overhaul in the advertising spokesman game. I'm talking about a real celebrity, not some sign spinning f*cking monkey. I'm talking about goddamn me in the store, live, un-cut, in person, bringing in the customers, lubing the deals.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: There's one image in my life that consistently makes me happy, no matter when I think about it, and that image, that one image is your big tits.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: One time I was invited to come to a social gathering. I was paid a handsome amount of money, and I bought a shotgun and a bottle of Tanqueray and showed those people the best f*cking time they've ever seen.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny Powers: The humongous part about being a celebrity is cashing in on it - making sh*tloads of money, having expensive, luxurious things. That way in case one day you're not famous you can still be rich as hell and better than everyone around you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ashley: I don't want to be embarrassed.
Kenny: Well, you're doing a good job of that on your own just by how you f**king look.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenny: Man, this feels good Clegg.
Clegg: Did you take one of those black beauties? The ecstasy?
Kenny: Nah dude. This is a real job. It's not like teachin' kids. Can't get f**ked up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 1: "Chapter 1"

Kenny Powers: I'm the man who has the ball. I'm the man who can throw it faster than f**k. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my d**k... everyone.
 • Rating: Unrated

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