Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound-and-down

I don't know what's going on, man. I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't even know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.

Kenny Powers

There's one thing I have learned through all my adventures and conquests - it's that some people are just wired for success. I had no choice when it came to being great - I just am great.

Kenny Powers

I am not trying to sound cocky or full of myself, but Kenny Powers has a sneaking suspicion that no matter what comes his way he will always be great. Because that's just the way sh*t works sometimes.

Kenny Powers

From this moment on, you're no longer little kids. You're cold, calculated murderers. This is the mindset you gotta be in if you wanna be a champion.

Kenny Powers

Smashing a brick through a f*cking dude's window is nothing compared to the things I've done. I've killed people.

Kenny Powers

Some people say that Kenny Powers is a woman hater. That's not true - I love women. Every f*cking one of them, even the ugly as sh*t ones. But don't ask me to trust them. Not even nuns. Because every pair of t*ts comes with a gaping hole of need that even Kenny Powers can't fill.

Kenny Powers

I have been blessed with many things in this life - an arm like a damn rocket, a c*ck like a burmese python, and the mind of a f*cking scientist.

Kenny Powers

A stork wrapped around a tree branch. That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen before. You know that's how the plague started back in the day. It was from a little disgusting birdbath in someone's backyard that rats made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.

Kenny Powers

I'm trying so hard not to be an *sshole to you guys, Ok? I'm just disappointed with my own arm, and how its trying to buttf*ck me back here.

Kenny Powers
Displaying quotes 10 - 18 of 49 in total