Eastbound & Down

Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound and down
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I play real sports, not try to be the best at exercising.

Kenny Powers

Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism.

Kenny Powers

A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.

Kenny Powers

I'm Kenny Powers! And I am very upset with how I am acting right now. I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions, and I can't stop from yelling.

Kenny Powers

I am talking about me. I want — these are questions about me personally as a superstar. You know, you got this moment in time here with an American icon and you're gonna waste it asking a question about the f*cking mile?

Kenny Powers

Kid in Gym Class: My dad said you ruined baseball.
Kenny Powers: You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you. And I'm probably not going to like you no matter how many pull-ups or push-ups you do. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him, cause I aint watching.

Stevie: Terrence, I don't teach you how to principal I don't think you should tell me how to teach band.
Terrence: You clearly don't understand the employer-employee relationship.
Stevie: Uh, I'm starting to and I don't like it.

Kenny: Did you get my shit?
(Clegg hands a bag to Kenny)
Kenny: Why is it in a fucking zip-lock bag? What is this mushrooms? Clegg, I'm talking about steroids.

(To his hired date) I said put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that.


(To Rose) I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of time to hang out. I'll be honest with you, sometimes I forgot you even existed.


Kenny: Who the fuck are you?
Pat: I'm your dad. No, I'm just kidding, your dad's dead.

Kenny: You know how you think there's two kinds of lesbians: the really hot ones that are on Cinemax and get it on all the time, and then the really mean ones? Miss Carol is neither of those.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 49 in total

Eastbound & Down Season 1 Quotes

Interviewer: So Kenny, how do you feel about playing for New York?
Kenny: You mean Jew York? It's fucking great.

Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.