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Roxie: Since you're a high school dropout, would-be rapist, future Dateline predator who works in a gas station, I'll talk slowly. If you ever touch my daughter again, or any other innocent girl for that matter, so help me God!
Gus: Ok, well, first of all, your little Mia is not so innocent, lady. And second, I may be a high school dropout, but you're the slut who killed her husband so she can bang half the town.
Roxie: I'd be careful what I say next, if I were you.

(opening her gift from Darryl) And it's Maurice. Oh boy! Kat gets silk, and I get... Maurice.


I ran out of deodorant this morning, so I rubbed my pits with the dryer sheet and now I just smell like mountain fresh BO.


Joanna: I have some pretty interesting leads.
Darryl: You just be careful, okay?
Joanna: What do you mean?
Darryl: Sometimes it's probably safer to let sleeping dogs lie.

Penny: You know, I can be at HarvestFest right now. I could be getting drunk, eating pie. But instead, I'm in the woods, with you, knocking on what looks like the door of a serial killer.
Joanna: I know. Isn't it fun?

You don't understand the usefulness of anger. Society tries to force you to swallow it down like a good little girl. Because you are angry, you're a bitch. If you're a bitch, no one will you love. Well, I say, that's nonsense.


Roxie: Thanks for coming over, even though we had a stupid fight.
Chad: You know me, I'm like a sexual Batman. You call at four AM, and I come running.

Roxie: You think you're really adorable, don't you?
Darryl: I think you think I'm really adorable.
Roxie: I think you're not as adorable as you think I think you are

Penny: The man that you've had the most pathetic crush on for the last two years finally asks you out and you say, 'No'?
Joanna: Don't call me pathetic.
Penny: I didn't call you pathetic. I said that your crush is pathetic.

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