Joan: So there's no one you trust.
Sherlock: I trust *you*.

Moriarty was *not* the Vice President of Inhuman Resources!

Joan

Joan: She puts dates in her little love notes?
Sherlock: No, I do.

You forgot your drain hair!

Joan

If anything happens to them, the next time you see me I won't be a cop.

Gregson [to Morland]

'My dad brokers in global misery' doesn't usually come up.

Sherlock

If I'm right, this is not the scene of a triple murder, it's the scene of a double murder and an assassination!

Joan

I'll change the locks post-haste. Set a few traps.

Sherlock [on his father visiting the brownstone]

Which one? Our overgrown putt-putt golf course? Or our condemned warehouse full of asbestos?

Davis Potter [on his business properties]

So, I walked all the way to the eastern edge of the property, and I did not find a thing. No dead bodies, no secret hideouts, no smoke monster. There's plenty of mud, though.

Joan

I'm quite certain they were staging a fake murder when they fell victim to two real ones.

Sherlock

Sherlock: You're typically more expansive after your first hit of caffeine.
Joan: Yeah, well, you brought a bald cat to breakfast. I'm a little distracted.

Elementary Quotes

Stranger things Watson...

Sherlock

Holmes: Why do you suppose you hate your job so much?
Watson: I don't hate my job.
Holmes: You have two alarm clocks. No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.