Marcus was here, I took a shower, so obviously we're secret lovers.Joan
Do I sit on the bride's side or the groom's?Sherlock
Sherlock: Actually, Watson, only one of them is a bug. The other is a flash-bang.
Joan: You gave her a bomb!?
Sherlock: It was a very small bomb, with a very big bang.
It's hardly the first time I've inspired a writer, Watson. I am actually the basis for several fictional characters across various media.Sherlock
No, thanks, I had poop for lunch.Joan
You are one of the best liars I have ever met, and that's saying something.Sherlock
Henry Watson: How'd you know that was me?
Joan: 'Grover Ogden'? We lived on Ogden Avenue, Grover was our dog, and by the way, that's how you make a PORN name, not a PEN name!
[regarding her father's book] It's ridiculous! Sherlock and I do not run around with guns, and we don't get into kung fu fights with criminals, and we sure as hell do not sleep together!Joan
Sherlock: Are you suffering from Low T?
Morland Holmes: ...Excuse me?
Sherlock: A deficiency, an imbalance in your hormone levels. Is it what's causing this late-onset humanity that you've been exhibiting since your return to New York?
Morland Holmes: I know we rarely spoke during your Scotland Yard days, but I do recall that you often made use of experts in other fields, your 'Unusuals.'
Sherlock: 'Irregulars.' And unless you've become an expert in sniping, I fail to see how you can assist here.
Unless you're dead, you're starting to annoy me.Joan [to Sherlock's voicemail]
Morland Holmes: The value of your dam is $2.3 billion in theory only. It can be zero if I call certain friends in Lima.
Bill Wellstone: Now that, boys and girls, is how you deliver a threat. It's far more compelling than a warrant.