This is now the biggest agency in the world. And I'm the head of it. Which makes me the biggest agent in the world. Now, can anyone tell me why I chose to be the biggest agent in the world? It's so I can stop being a fucking agent. So don't tell me to show the love, that's what I pay you people for.


Ari: Someone find out why we're not selling the NFL rights.
Agent: They do it internally.
Ari: Well they shouldn't so somebody get me a meeting

Ari: E, long time hear. You married yet?
E: Yeah October Ari. I assume you'll be there?
Ari: Listen. Can I keep the little groom from the top of the cake just in case Sloan never lets you out of the house again? I could carry you around in my pocket like I always dreamed of.

E: Come on Ari, you're the perfect picture of marital bliss.
Ari: Like a hostage with a machete to its neck you have to put on a good face for the camera.

E: You represent the guy.
Ari: I represent everyone now, Eric.

Ari: Well tell the school, that when they schedule a parent-teacher conference for 2:30 on a weekday, that's just their way of saying we don't care about daddy.

Jesus Christ you all suck. If I wouldn't have a five year lease on this place I would shut it down and work out of a cardboard box by myself.


Vincent: You know Will Smith did all his own stunts in Hancock?
Drama: Will's an athlete, bro. I bowled with him.

Paul: They wanted someone prettier.
Drama: Dean Cain is prettier than me? [silence] Hello?

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