Season 1, Episode 8: "New York"
Eric: You know what, I don't even have health insurance.Ari Gold: Yeah, but I bet you had it over at Quiznos.
Eric: Sbarro's. And I had a business card.
Ari Gold: There you go.
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Drama: Everybody knows the best whores in the country are in Vancouver.
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Ari: From now on ask my permission before you bang one of my assistants.
Eric: How'd you know that?
Ari: 'Cause I know all. And I could have told you that this would end badly. Now I gotta go fire her so you don't feel weird.
Eric: No. Don't fire her.
Ari: All right. Well, I'll just sexually harass her until she quits.
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Ari: You deal with talent the same way that you deal with women. You have to make them believe that they need you more then you need them.
Eric: He doesn't need me that much.
Ari: Of course he doesn't need you. You're f**king worthless. I could get a million morons to come in here and do the job. That's not the point.
Eric: Then what is the point, Ari?
Ari: The point is that he is an insecure f**k, like all beautiful-but-handed-everything-on-a-silver-platter people. He doesn't trust anyone in this world but you. You've been born into royalty baby. You know it. Now you just gotta be thankful, and wear the crown.
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Ari: I thought you already were his manager. Because believe me I would not put up with this much s**t from anyone who wasn't.
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Season 1, Episode 7: "The Scene"
Ari: I'm ready to go, baby. I'm like R. Kelly at recess• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
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Season 1, Episode 6: "Busey and the Beach"
Johnny Drama: I've been working steady for the past twelve years, minus the last three• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Mrs. Ari: Where are you going?
Ari: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant.
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Emily: Vince and the guys are going to a party at Josh Weinstein's.
Ari: Who's Josh Weinstein?
Emily: Are you joking? He's your old assistant.
Ari: I have many old assistants.
Emily: All right, two before me. Before Jackie, after Jared.
Ari: Ah - my "J" phase. I think I fired him for stealing pens. Why do I care about Josh?
Emily: Well now he's an agent at Triad. And he's the one who gave the boys Queens Boulevard.
Ari: That's why no more guys! You fire a guy you create a rival. You fire a woman you create a housewife.
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Total Quotes: 767
