Getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.

Peter

• Permalink: Getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.
• Rating: Unrated

Sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil.

Peter

• Permalink: Sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil.
• Rating: Unrated

Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in ya.

Peter

• Permalink: Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in ya.
• Rating: Unrated

I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went for it.

Peter

• Permalink: I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went...
• Rating: Unrated

We want that drinkin' law gone, and everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down is to get the gays angry about it.

Peter

• Permalink: We want that drinkin' law gone, and everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down...
• Rating: Unrated

Don't you understand what drinking means to us workin' stiffs? It helps us forget about our day and tell our children we love them with a straight face.

Peter

• Permalink: Don't you understand what drinking means to us workin' stiffs? It helps us forget about our...
• Rating: Unrated

Couch 1: I just had sex with a girl on her period.
Couch 2: Dude, that's not a brag.

• Permalink: Dude, that's not a brag.
• Rating: Unrated

Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing your dirty clothes in the toilet.

Lois

• Permalink: Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing your dirty clothes in the toilet.
• Rating: Unrated

I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.

Joe

• Permalink: I brought construction paper and markers in case you guys wanted to draw breasts.
• Rating: Unrated

This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.

Stewie

• Permalink: This isn't a job for the meek, Brian. When you get in there -- you got to be hard.
• Rating: Unrated

Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

• Permalink: Yes. That's me being rather silly.
• Rating: Unrated

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

Brian

• Permalink: We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.
• Rating: Unrated