Oh, Brian's a complete dick, we all know that, but I think we're losing sight of the point that Bonnie's a weird slut who's always letting you know she's open for business.

Quagmire

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

Brian

Love is a powerful compass.

Joe

I'd be happy to get you an interview. And as a white woman, you'd be the minority here. Unless you're an alcoholic.

Cleveland

Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

Grab that letter opener over there. I'm going to show you why you should never mail cash.

Cleveland

Hey, it's Stewie. All I know about cars is what my mom does.

Stewie

Peter: Gretchen? Wow. You look great.
Gretchen: Yeah. I didn't have kids, so.

Before you read that, you need to know one thing. I'm the one who's been throwing out your beige bras. Guys don't like beige bras.

Peter

I know I'm a nerd, but I have a thing for rich guys.

Shelby

I ate a dime once. It became a manhole cover for like three days, then pow!

Stewie

Lois: Did you see that sweet new piece of ass, Dallas Portland?
Bonnie: Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask my index and middle finger.

Family Guy Quotes

Aunt Margarite [on her video will]: Lois, you were always my favorite niece; I just knew you would find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong.
Peter: And now you're dead. Score one for Peter

But now that you mention it, your face looks like a used condom.

Quagmire