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Family-guy

Meg: Finally! Look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life.
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna baby-sit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass

Peter: Hey Mort, do these suppositories come in other flavors?
Mort: Peter, are you eating those?
Peter: No, I'm shoving 'em up my butt. Of course I'm eating 'em!

Ha! I got your hat! Take that, hatless! Now go back to the quad and resume your hackey sac tourney! I'm not gonna lay down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandals and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved, open stitched, crew neck Henley smoking his sticky buds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love "Mr. Plow!" Oh, you've got the song memorized, do you? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at 1 in the morning! The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar skank ladder!

Stewie [to Jeremy, the babysitter's boyfriend]

You know what I do Meg? I spit in your mouth while you sleep

Stewie

Meg: I can't believe he's over me.
Mort: I can't believe I'm out 34 grand!
Peter: I can't believe it's not butter! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Stick around, more Family Guy coming up

Peter: Here honey, I got you this greeting card.
Lois: "I'm sorry I sold our daughter into slavery."
Peter: Yeah, it was really hard to find one of those in English

So, umm...this is uhh..awkward but uhh..have we ever actually, you know, met? I mean I don't even know, say for example, if you have a room up there. You know? A room? I have a room. You know Meg if you kill yourself now you'll probably get a full page in the yearbook. So, umm...you know thats something to think abou..(burps)..oops just burped

Stewie [to Meg]

Quagmire: Hey Peter, uhh you have a card for if you transfered V.D. to somebody.
Peter: Uhh lets see here...uhh yep, "Sorry I accidentally gave you V.D."
Quagmire: Huh, that's all you have is accidental huh? All right I'll take it.

Cecilia: Neil is such an amazing guy. We just make an absolutely perfect couple.
Meg: You know...Neil liked me first and I was gonna go out with him when I was ready to settle for him. Get your own spaz!

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