Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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If anyone's gonna take that bitch down, it's gonna be me.

Stewie

Oh my God. You're 40!?

Lois

Stewie: I think a lot of people were looking at me like I was really attractive which makes me think I'm going to grow up to be really good looking.
Brian: What part of that statement is supposed to lure me into a conversation?
Stewie: I talk to you about wet tennis balls!

Joe: Just for that, when the movie comes out, I'm gonna get Adrien Brody to play you.
Peter: I guess that means you don't want anyone to see it.

Come on guys, can't we all just be glad she's dead?

Quagmire

What do you think, Ollie? I miss Ollie.

Tom Tucker

The same thing happened to me... but with a mustache.

Tom Tucker

Carl: So in the bear world, are pandas like your version of interracial children?
Bear: Yeah Pandas are something I don't agree with.
Carl: They're cute though right?
Bear: Just when they're babies.

Look, I'm a number of things. A member of Mensa. A huge hit with the ladies. Someone who would have broken bigger if he wasn't so impossible to work with. But a murderer!?

James Woods

Look. Everyone but Chris, keep your pants on and we'll find a way out of this.

Herbert

I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....

Stewie

I assumed it was for being able to fart the alphabet, which I almost did before I pooped the "s." Owell, everyone was upset on the bus long before that.

Peter
Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 9 Episode 1 Quotes

I can't help feeling this would be sadder if she weren't heavy....

Stewie

I assumed it was for being able to fart the alphabet, which I almost did before I pooped the "s." Owell, everyone was upset on the bus long before that.

Peter