Family Guy

Family Guy "Back to the Woods" Quotes

Peter: What the hell? Where's my wallet? Ah crap, I must have dropped it at the Barry Manilow concert.
Stewie: Dropped it at the what and where was I?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

James Woods: Hey, not so fast pal. Those are my clothes.
Peter: Oh come on.
Joe: You heard him fella, take 'em off. Right down to the poop sack. What? You don't all wear a poop sack? Damnit Bonnie! You lied to me about the poop sack!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Brian, guess what? I gave James Woods your novel to read, and you're not gonna believe this!
Brian: Really? Did he like it?
Stewie: He wants to option it and make a movie!
Brian: Really!?
Stewie: No, he didn't really respond to it.
Brian: Ohh.
 • Rating: Unrated

James Woods: Well, well. A trespasser on my property. That's the worst thing that's happened to me since...
Peter: (gasps) You wouldn't!
James Woods: It's up to you Peter. Either you leave now, or I set up one of your random flashbacks.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Mr. Woods. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Oh Chris, I'm your father, call me "dad".
Chris: Um, okay, dad. How do I get a girl to like me?
James Woods: Well, there's a number of ways Chris. Uh, for example, Kate Moss and I had the same coke supplier, and he threw a punch social one day, and we both happened to be there, and the next thing you know, we're both in the back room, slam bang. I went bareback, babe.
Chris: Wow, she sounds like a class act.
James Woods: No, not at all Chris. No, not at all.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Peter walks up to Brian and see's him tied up to a pole)
Peter: Hey Brian, what are you doing tied up to Meg's pole?
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, important traffic news that can't help you because you're some place where a TV is.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Verne: You're probably wonderin' why he's in Hell. Johnny liked little boys.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Listen, I need your help, go run into and give me a pair of scissors.
Stewie: No!
Brian: Why not?
Stewie: Because, you made me watch those two girls and a cup.
(Flashbacks to the incident)
Stewie: Okay, wait. What is this now?
Brian: Just watch.
Stewie: Why are we taping my reactions. (about the camera)
Brian: Just watch.
(Turns to the computer)
Stewie: Okay, they're lesbians clearly.
(Stewie reacts to the video, disgusted, as Brian starts to laugh)
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter, someone's been using your credit card!
Peter: Lois, I hear what you're saying, but like my credit card, I have a very low rate of interest.
 • Rating: Unrated

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