Family Guy Season 5 Episode 13: "Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey" Quotes
Peter: I haven't misjudged someone this bad since my last physical.(scene cuts to Peter bending over a table being examined by a man behind him)Man: Alright... (snapping off gloves) The doctor will be in in a few minutes.
- Permalink: Alright... The doctor will be in in a few minutes.
Peter: I mean, what if I run into that octopus again?
Lois: Peter, that's ridiculous.
Octopus: Ready for round two man? (Peter and Lois look outside. Octopus has a cigarette in one of the tentacles.) I got all day. Hey, is that your wife?
(Peter closes blinds)
- Permalink: I mean, what if I run into that octopus again? Peter, that's ...
Don't mind me you guys, I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently, on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me, were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg.Meg
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Lois: Alright, Peter. Who's it gonna be? Who do you wanna sleep with?
Peter: Ah, who are we kidding, Lois? This is never gonna work. Lets just forget the whole thing.
Lois: No, honey. It's gotta work. Just pick somebody, and I'll make it happen. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, if, if it could be anyone in the world, who would it be? Halle Berry? Ann Margerat?
Peter: Anybody I want?
Lois: Anybody. Don't be afraid to tell me.
Lois: (Uneasily) My mother?
- Permalink: Alright, Peter. Who's it gonna be? Who do you wanna sleep with? ...
Bill: Dude, check it out! There's a pig behind that fence.
Peter: Aw yeah, I see it.
Bill: Dude, we can eat that pig.
Bill: Dude, come on! We can totally eat that pig. We could, we could do it, man, we could. It'll be so easy man, it'll take like a minute.
Peter: Could it really be that fast?
Bill: Peter, that pig could be in our stomaches in like one minute. And then we could, and then, we could do other stuff.
Peter: (stoned laughing) Oh right, I'm starved. Let's do it.
- Permalink: Dude, check it out! There's a pig behind that fence. Aw yeah,...
Meg: Wow! Bill Clinton! Hey, uh, can I get a picture of you on my cell phone?
Bill Clinton: Sure.
(Bill lifts up his shirt right when the picture was taken and it shows a nipple ring.)
Bill Clinton: You know where I got that nipple ring? Old straddlin' Madeline Albright gave it to me.
- Permalink: Wow! Bill Clinton! Hey, uh, can I get a picture of you on my cel...
(Peter is playing DDR)
Bill Clinton: Watch the screen, not your feet.
Peter: Bill shut up, I got it.
Loudspeaker Announcer: Number 32.
Peter: Oh no, our pizza is ready!
Bill Clinton: Tag out man! Tag out! (Peter tags Bill in and Bill starts playing) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic. Come on Barbie, let's go party, uh, uh, uh yeah!
- Permalink: Watch the screen, not your feet. Bill shut up, I got it. Num...
Peter: Hey, Bill. Are you up for a little bowling? I swiped some money out of Lois's purse. I don't think she'll notice because she's here... humping... you!
Lois: Peter! Look, I know this looks bad and I feel horrible, and... and I know nothing I could say to you could possibly justify why I slept with Bill except... I mean, Peter, the man presided over the longest economic expansion in US history and he reduced the percentage of Americans on welfare to its lowest level in 33 years!
Bill Clinton: 35 years.
Lois: 35 years, Peter!
Peter: Well, well. I learned something today. Apparently, there's the side of Bill Clinton the world knows, and then there's the dark, sex crazed side only I know!
- Permalink: Hey, Bill. Are you up for a little bowling? I swiped some money ...
Peter: Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun! I haven't made a crank call in years!
Bill: Shh, quiet! It's ringing!
Bill: Hello? Is this Linda Tripp?
Bill: You shouldn't have talked, you stupid bitch! I hope you die! (Hangs up)
Peter: Boy, that uh... that wasn't really a crank call. That was, that was just unpleasant.
Bill: Sorry about that.
- Permalink: Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun! I haven't made a crank call in ye...